The Upside of Falling Back To You

chapter thirteen | drunken confessions

LAILA AND SEB were going to get married.

I couldn't be happier for my friend - the look on her face when she saw the ring was everything. Parv, Jamie and I also couldn't contain our excitement, knowing that our best friend was actually getting married.

There were so many late nights where we talked about what we saw in our future when we were teenagers, marriage included. Bachelorette parties, getaways, the actual ceremony. And we're finally in that point of our lives.

The rest of the night was great. Of course, no one could really top Seb's gift to Laila - it was a fucking diamond ring and the promise to love her the rest of their lives. Parv did get me a really soft sweater, Jiro a bunch of puzzles - two which we finished as a group. Not to mention our games of Cards Against Humanity, karaoke, and a whole lot of alcohol. The night was a perfect kick off to our time together.

But now that it was over, the clock ticking past two a.m., I guess my actual thoughts settled in my mind.

I sat on the foot of my bed in my room, too drunk to really have a clear head but sober enough to think. There was a pit of... anger in my stomach. Yeah, it was anger. Anger against Seb for deciding to propose today, on our trip, after I ended my relationship with the guy I thought was going to be my forever.

No, Asteria, stop. You're happy for your friends.

I was. I really was. But...

I really want that. I want what Seb and Lalia have. I want what Lucas and Parv have. Hell, Jamie could deny it all she wants but it's so obvious there's something between her and Jiro and I want that too.

I look over at the empty bed beside me. Where was Ronan? I think he wanted to clean up a bit before heading upstairs with everyone else, but it was getting really late.

Or maybe he took my idea and was going to sleep on the couch.

I don't know why, but I get up and head downstairs to see what was going on. I could see the glowing light of the living room on, shining into the second floor. He was definitely still up. And there was some sort of noise, too.

It's when I move closer that my drunken brain registers it as a guitar. I try my best to stay quiet as I listen in, the same four chords playing over and over again, a little bit of picking, too.

"And I know and I know and I know and I know you deserve a better man, better man... and I know and I know and I know and I know I couldn't be him, be him."

Ronan's voice, for some reason, catches me off guard. I forgot how nice it sounded - so smooth and so effortless as he hit each note. I mean, yeah, we had our own karaoke session just an hour before, but this time his singing was... different.

I lean against the wall and listen more.

"And I saw you happy with him, and I saw you dancing with him... and I thought that he was perfect, he was worth it, for you..." He fumbles a bit with the chords. "And he was supposed to mend the heart that I broke... the one I shattered, the one I burned."

Oh shit.

"But now you sit by the window with you head low, 'cause I know he hurt you worse."

He moved he guitar off his lap and scribbled something in his notebook - crossing something out, actually. He mumbled under his breath: "No, that isn't right."

"I thought it sounded great."

I never saw someone shut a notebook closed and turn around that quickly. "Asteria." He rubs the back of his neck. "What are you doing? It's late, I thought you were going to bed."