His Dark Beauty (BWWM)

Chapter 11: Avoidance

I open my eyes slowly, my head is throbbing. I groan, shifting under the covers. I feel E's arm tighten around my waist. I twist away from him, the events of last night flooding my mind.

Smelling his special wine, feeling woozy. Feeling hot. The smell was something that I can't recall anymore, but I know if I ever smell it again I'll remember it. I felt like I was on an acid trip, a bad one. My stomach knots and I get up, going to the bathroom. I close the door and lock it before going to the sink to take two ibuprofen.

I look over at the tub. I remember laying in it, the water was cold. I begged E to get in with me. I remember his hand on my breast. I don't remember anything after that. But what was before that?

I think harder. Being in the kitchen, lights flashing... I remember licking his hand, his chin, his tongue. I widen my eyes, I remember him standing up...I kissed his stomach, it was smooth. I was right above his...I had tried to pull down his pants. I think I was going to try to...I turn on the water and splash my face. What was wrong with me?

I move in the bathroom slowly, biding time. Last night I turned into someone else. I bring my hand to my lips, thinking about how they were against E's. How I initiated but he started to command the kiss, holding me tightly as he took lead.

I know how I feel about him, that my body heats up around him, that his hands feel like fire against my skin. That I get lost in his eyes and find myself admiring his strong body whenever he isn't looking.

Last night though it was like everything was heightened. What I remember most vividly was the pain. How it felt like I was on the brink of dying when his hands left me. It's like all my feelings for him were magnified. My body ached when I wasn't touching him. I think of the way he looked at me, the pure want on his face, the hunger. The times he didn't stop me before he remembered himself and pulled away.

It's all too much. I sigh, I can't think about this anymore, I just want to write music and be alone.

I open the door a bit and peek out, E is sitting on the edge of the bed. I quickly look away from him and go into the closet. I take off my satin gown, I have nothing on under it, E must have slipped it on me after my bath. Thinking of it makes my cheeks warm. Outside of E, I've never let a man see me naked. I look at myself in the mirror.

I wrap my arms around my shoulders, I've always felt that they were too broad. I slide my hands across my collar bones, down my chest. I cup my breasts, small c cups that fluctuate with my weight. My waist dips in slightly, my hips wide. The pear shape of the women on my father's side. I run my hands down my stomach, it's flat but soft. My legs are toned from speed walking around New York for the past 4 years. The scratches from that night are thankfully gone.

I sigh and turn, looking at the curve of my back into my butt. Darcy used to always playfully squeeze it, telling me she wished hers was a cute bubble like mine. Darcy. I push her out of my mind as I find clothes. I miss her. I know if I were to talk to her she would make me feel better about this whole situation.

I pull on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt. I slide on the Birkenstock sandals I've been wearing as house shoes for the past few weeks. I take a deep breath before exiting the closet, E is still sitting on the bed. I see his mouth pull into a small smile, I can't look at his eyes.

"Are you feeling better my love?" E asks, his voice pleasant and cheerful. I nod, my stomach turning as my heart flutters. His love...who embarrassed herself by acting like a dog in heat last night. I look at his body to avoid his eyes.

E's in his usual black attire. His clothes always fit him perfectly, subtly showing his musculature in a way that is enough for me to notice, but not be completely distracted by. I think of how his body felt last night when I touched it. Hard, defined and completely smooth. I wanted it against me so bad, I still do.