His Dark Beauty (BWWM)

Chapter 6: Why Me

I wake up in bed again. I'm pressed against something hard...and warm. I smell the dark oud, E. I push away from him and sit up. I'm dripping in sweat, it feels like it's 100 degrees in here. I slide off the bed and go into the bathroom, which is a couple of degrees cooler.

I sit on the edge of the tub and turn on the cold water. "My love," E says from the door.

"I'm not your anything, leave me alone," I tell him, not looking at him. It's silent. I watch the tub fill up. When it's done I finally glance behind me, the door is open but E is gone. I take off my clothes and slip into the cool water, sighing. I lean my head back and close my eyes, feeling hot tears flow down my cheeks.

I think back to everything. The scrounging my grandma did to buy my viola, the extra job she took to pay for lessons. The way I made my fingers bleed with how much I played, how much I practiced. The Orchestra concerts I went to with my school, dreaming of being the one on the stage. How I wrote music late into the night only for it to sound shitty when I played it. Me working double shifts at the diner seven days a week to afford a better viola to use for my Juilliard admission performance. The tears my grandma cried when I got accepted. How she told the whole neighborhood.

I cry harder as I think to her on her deathbed, in the final stages of cancer. I cradled her frail hand between my own, trembling as I watched my rock for the past nine years slip away from me. "Don't worry baby girl, I'll be watching down on you for your first Philharmonic performance, and I'm going to be so proud," she told me, smiling as tears ran down her face.

I sob in the tub, raking my nails down my legs. I see the water turning pink through my tears. I've let down my grandma. Why me God why me?

It's like my life is a cruel joke, everything that has ever meant anything to me, that I've ever loved, that I've ever wanted, has been taken away from me. What did I do to deserve this? To make matters worse I'm here in this damn castle with a dark blob shapeshifter pale man who is calling me his love and saying he has no doors to the outside. I scratch my legs harder, trying to bring myself away from the pain of life.

"Layla," E says sharply.

"Go away," I yell, scratching my legs harder, the water is very red now. He sticks his arms in the tub grabbing my hands. "Stop," he begs, pulling my hands out of the water.

"Why me, why does it have to be me, it's always me," I sob, trying to pull away from E. "Shhh," he murmurs, moving my small wrists to one of his hands to grab the towel I set at the edge of the tub.

"Kill me, I don't want to live, my life has been nothing but darkness. I tried to live in it, seek solace in it but I can't, it doesn't love me, it doesn't want me. I just want to die," I say, looking into E's black eyes.

They are pained. His lips are pressed in a tight line, he keeps hold of my wrists and puts his other arm around my waist, standing me up. I don't care that I'm naked in front of him, all I can do is look at him and cry, beg him for death. He lets my wrists go and wraps the towel around me, picking me up bridal style. He grabs another towel, wrapping it around my bleeding calves.

I lean into his chest, hiccuping, my head is pounding from the crying. "I am so sorry my love," he tells me, pulling a first aid kit from under the sink and going into the room.

He sits on the couch with me on his lap, I continue to cry into his chest as he ruffles through the first aid kit. I feel stinging on my left leg. I bite into his shirt and groan at the pain. The burning isn't strong enough to distract me from how I'm feeling.

"I am sorry baby, I do not want them to get infected." My right leg stings as he rubs alcohol on it. I whimper like a small child. He smooths ointment on my legs before wrapping them. I lay quietly against his chest, exhausted and numb. He stands and carries me to the closet opening up a drawer. E uses the arm under my knees to pull off my towel.

"Pull this over your head love," he says gently, rubbing the gown against my knee so I know where to grab for it. I keep my eyes closed as I yank it over my head. E moves his arm down my back so I can put my arms in the sleeves. He helps me tug it down my body. I lean back and he walks me over to the bed. He gets in next to me.

"No," I murmur turning away from him.

"I will not be leaving you tonight Layla," he says in my ear, wrapping his arm around my waist. "You're too hot," I tell him, barely aware of what I'm saying, "and it's hot in here, I'm going to sweat. Make it cold so you can keep me warm," I finish, sleep already pulling me in.

"As you wish my sweet Layla," E says.

I feel covers being pulled around me as I drift into nothingness.