To The Moon and Back | Remus Lupin's Daughter

27. Preparation - Remus

October 1993

"What do you even do for a six year old's birthday?" Harry asked sitting on the desk in the corner of my office, watching a grindelow that had been caught for an upcoming class.

The the full had come and gone yet the responsibility of looking after an energetic child with intense magical abilities was rather draining. Paired with teaching and worrying about the whole mess of Pettigrew's escape and the risk of you-know-who potentially returning. I'd barely keep up with Sirius' excitement about planning Astra's birthday. 

"Professor?" Harry questioned, nipping my trailing thoughts before they could truly begin. 

"Harry, how many times have i said when we are out of class you can call me Remus" I tried to laugh, in truth having James' son call me professor felt weird. Impersonal. There was a stage when i was uncle moony and part of me breaks thinking we may never get that sense of familiarity back. Small steps though. 

"Sorry, yes, i forget sometimes" He laughed rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly in a way that reminded me so much of James. 

getting up from my position at the desk i began getting the classroom set for my next class. While harry continued to stare at the various creatures around the office with mild intrigue. "I, never had a birthday party growing up... the dursleys... they weren't... aren't good people, neglectful, i think they resented having to look after me, so they chose to ignore me. I always thought i'd it terrible... but Astra, I can tell she didn't have a great start either. Professor Bl- Sirius, told me some bits and pieces of what happened. I... well i wanna help yous make sure her life is a little better. I didn't have a clue about party planning or what to get a six year old girl... i think i got socks for my sixth birthday" He laughed nervously, staring in to nothing with glassy eyes. 

the past few months my eyes have really beened opened to the events that unfolded towards the end of the war. I always trusted dumbledore, he gave me the chance to have an normal life, an education. in many way he was a sort of saviour for me. Though, now i've questions around that, had i put too much trust in him? He knew of the letovian council and their stance on the war, yet he sent me to one of Greyback's packs to try gain support for the order. He knew their was a mole in the order and did nothing to try uncover them, how many of our friends had been betrayed by peter? Sirius was left in prison rotting away with the dementors for years because of Dumbledore's own pride, beyond that he let me believe sirius had betrayed our family despite him knowing that they switched the secret keeper. worse fo all he didn't even give us a chance to raise Harry, he just took him and placed him with a family he never took the chance to monitor and left him, never checked in to see if they were treating the child well. No dumbledore just left harry is hell cause of some stupid charm, it wasn't something Lily would have wanted, he had no right. Harry had been robbed of his childhood, just as Astra was. It wasn't fair. none of what they'd been through was fair. 

"I barely know myself, personally birthdays were always a small affair, my mother and father would make a cake and i'd get maybe a book or two, rather quiet affair i didn't any friend due to my... my condition until i came to hogwarts. Then your dad and Sirius made it a tradition of us doing big celebrations every year" I couldn't help but laugh at the found memory of our childish antics. Images of Sirius and James standing on top of the Gryffindor table singing happy birthday extremely off key, piles of chocolates and books. special birthday pranks and home made cake from the house elves. They were simpler times, before war damaged us all. shaking my head trying to shake off the darker thoughts that had been consuming me lately. "though, i dunno how to transfer our boyish antics into something suitable for Astra. thats a question i'm been struggling to navigate myself if i'm honest"