my escape. h.s/au

chapter 21: enlighten me please

"We literally could you are just too afraid to." We have tried but every time he backs out last minute and we resort to other things instead.

"I don't want her seeing my dick! Is that so wrong?"

"I'm almost positive that babies can see until they are out and born."

"I will not scar my daughter by shoving my dick in her face!"

"It doesn't work that way Harry!"

We argue about this for a good bit of time before Harry makes me look it up. She wouldn't be able to see his dick but there is a chance he could "poke" her which made him yell "I told you so" as I laugh my ass off. The only way that people know that means that it has had to have happen before and just the thought of that made me almost pee myself.

"Can we get food please?" I can feel myself getting hungrier by the minute so Harry pulls into a nearby McDonalds so we can get something.

I get a thing of chicken nuggets. I swear that's the only thing I eat now. Most people have like those weird cravings where the food they want are insane combinations but all I want is chicken. I think if Harry eats it one more time he'll throw up.

"If you keep eating chicken for every meal our daughter is gonna come out with feathers and a beak." Harry says as he pulls over to a small park so we can eat at a table.

We throw names back and forth at each other but it is useless. Everything that one says the other one doesn't like. It's pointless. I'm very tempted to just not name her and let the doctor name her when I give birth.

"This is insane Harry. My brain is fried, we have probably said over a million names now."

"We need to pick one, I'm tired too but we have to do it."

"Okay then pick a letter, just any letter." I say as I rest my head in my hands. This is becoming useless.

He looks confused but nonetheless says "m."

"So now that we decided a letter, let's just start saying all the names we can think about that starts with "m."

"Mary." Harry starts as we alternate saying names with each other.

"Meredith."

"Molly."

"Maria."

"Margret."

"Miranda."

"Miriam."

"Harry she isn't going to be born a 60 year old woman, we aren't naming her Miriam."

"I am just saying what pops into my brilliant head darling." He taps his temple with his finger. We continue to keep throwing names out until we find one that sticks.

"Megan."

"McKenzie."

"Madeline."

Harrys shoulders lift a bit, "I like that name, its pretty."

"Madeline Styles. I like it, a lot." We both have huge grins since we finally conquered our biggest battle yet.

"So now we have to figure out a middle name."

*****

We are finally driving back home after another 2 hours of trying to figure out a middle name for Madeline. We came to the decided on Rose.

For the middle name we wanted to try to do something that was meaningful and not just a name we picked on a park bench. We tried using my middle name, his mothers name, some of his grandmothers names, and some other ones that we knew people in our families had. None of them worked though until we got to my grandmothers name. Rosalie Ann Cabot. Harry really liked that name and "Rose" fit with Madeline Styles so it stuck.

Madeline Rose Styles.

As we drive home the sun begins to set. It is only 5 but time change so time fell back. When we finally get back and walk through our front door, Harry and I were greeted at the door by a small little energetic bulldog. Kitty begins jumping on Harry so he finally picked him up and started to give him attention.

We got settled at home and Harry gets into the shower while I situate myself on the couch. I begin to search for something to watch but I can feel myself getting sleepier by the minute.

I hate that I have no energy anymore. I go to bed really early but I can't sleep at night. Once Harry dozes off then I'm stuck being awake. I don't wake him up because he needs his sleep but when he is awake and wants to do stuff, I want to sleep.

Along with my lack of sleep, my body is changing so much. I have stretch marks on my arms, boobs, stomach, hips, thighs, calves. Anywhere a stretch mark can form it has.

I was reading this pregnancy blog thing last night and now I'm paranoid that Harry is gonna breakup with me.

These women kept talking about how before the baby that them and their partners were really into them and couldn't get enough of them. Now that they are pregnant and/or have a kid, they have caught them cheating or staying out at work later. Some have just left them high and dry from someone prettier.

I know Harry is better than then but I can't help but wonder. He has been on his phone texting someone constantly throughout the past week and before he had been up at all hours on his laptop.

That isn't a big issue but he isn't a big electronics guy. He never used to be on them but all the suddenly he is always on. Also whenever I ask him what he is doing, if he is on them he shuts its off super quickly and just says "nothing" then changes the subject.

This is all just paranoia but still, I cannot stop thinking about it.