"I met your mum at our friends coffee shop. Instantly she was magnetic, I swear. Her dog Kitty was with her, you don't understand now but you will later in life how weird that name is for a dog. Anyways she was with Kitty getting ready to go to the beach and our friend Sarah suggested we go together. From there we were talking and texting all the time. I love being with you mum, I just really love your mum."
"So some other things you should know are uhm, hold on let me think." I don't know what I need to tell her so I'm trying to only tell her appropriate things.
"Well uhm my name is Harry and your mums name is Juliette but we all call her Jules, except you, you'll call her mum or mummy or whatever and you'll call me dad or daddy or whatever. Uhm Kitty is your dog, he is just a baby like you. You have a cousin named Ruby, she doesn't live here with us but she is 2 so you'll be around the same age. I'm sure you'll get along."
I am just rambling out our life and other things I think could be useful.
"Uhm you have a grandmother named Anne, she's wonderful, she's my mummy. You have an auntie named Gemma and an uncle named Michael, those are Rubys parents. You also have a grandfather named Robin, he can't be with us anymore physically but I promise he is with us in spirit, he'll watch over you.
Uh your mummy has no siblings and we don't talk to her mummy and daddy. You wouldn't like them anyways so you aren't missing out on much. Your mummy is super pretty, like a gorgeous model so you'll be a very pretty young lady."
I don't know if she is listing to me at all but it feels nice to talk to her. I love talking to Jules but talking about our shared life together is something I didn't think I'd like this much.
"Can you do me a favor? Can you give me and your mummy a sign about your name? That has been the biggest thing we have been fighting about lately, well no, our biggest fights are about a woman named Sophia but we have argued a lot about this as well and arguing isn't good for you so help your poor daddy out."
"Your mum and me made the qualifications for how the name should be. It has to sound good with 'Styles' as the last name. Your middle and first name need to sound good together, your mum doesn't want a name that is super popular, and I want an outdoorsy name since we are always outside. You can see our dilemma right?"
I can feel myself start to drift off to sleep as I push myself further into Jules neck.
"Okay baby uhm daddy is getting real tired and your mummy smells very good, you didn't need to know that but she got this new soap and I really like it. Uhm alright so I am about to fall asleep. I love you so much uh you get some sleep too please, goodnight."
"And goodnight to you too," I kiss Jules sleeping lips softly "I love you."
*****
"I'm so sorry Mr. Styles, we did everything we could but it just wasn't enough. I am deeply sorry for both of your losses." The doctor lowers his head and walks out of the room. Juliettes lifeless body lays there with our daughters lifeless body still inside of her. Sobs ripple through me as I grasp her arm and shake her.
"Wake up Jules. Wake up now. Get up. You can't do this to me. To our family. You're supposed to be strong. Please. Come back please. I need you. I can't be here without you."
My breath keeps getting shorter and shorter, I feel moisture surround me and then I open my eyes.
I shoot up from bed while panting and covered in sweat. I look to my side and Jules is gone. Fuck. Fuck. Where is she?
I get out of bed falling over my long legs leaving the room. I run into the living room and she isn't there, I go to the kitchen and she isn't there, she isn't in Kittys room, the baby room, the office, any bathroom. I feel like I am losing my breath. Finally I go into the backyard and I see her.
I feel relief wash over my body.
She is sitting in the corner of the outdoor couch with a blanket. She is looking straight ahead of her sipping something from a mug.
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I walk up and her head snaps at my sudden movement. "Hi, my love." She says to me with a small grin. "Heyyy that's my line." I pout as I sit next to her keeping my hands in my lap. She lets out a small laugh before letting concern take over her face. "Are you okay? You're drenched in sweat."
I sigh out not wanting to tell her about my dream. I don't want to scare her.
"I'm okay doll, don't worry about it." I brush it off like its nothing but my heart is still racing a bit.
"Talk to me Harry, please. You know you can trust me with anything, remember, we're a team. Whats mine is yours and what's yours is mine."
"I just had a bad dream, its nothing to worry about really, why are you out here though?"
"I was having some crazy back pains and elbow pains so I guess that woke me up and I can't fall back asleep and I didn't want to risk waking you up. So now that I said why I'm up, you should tell me your reason." She raises an eyebrow at me before wrapping her arm around mine and laying her head on my shoulder.
"It was uhm about you and the baby." I am quiet when I talk. I don't really want to elaborate but since this is about her I guess she has the right to know.
"Oh. Do you want to talk about it?" She offers to me and I shake my head in agreement. "It was uhm the doctor apologizing to me during your delivery. You and the baby uh didn't make it." My voice is barely above a whisper when I say the last bit and my voice cracks. The next thing I know I am crying. A steady flow of tears leave my eyes and Jules acts quick on it. She moves even closer and wraps her arms around my neck bringing my head down to her chest as she hugs me.
"That won't happen, you know that right?" She rubs my back as I just continue to cry. None of my exes let me cry in front of them. I was less of a man to them. All of my old friends was like that as well. I always kept it in but Juliette lets me let it out. She encourages me to express my emotions so I don't feel trapped. It's refreshing.
"You don't know that baby, it could happen, you can't dictate life and death, it just happens."
"Harry, we are very careful, this is just something that's been scaring you. Every doctors appointment is good. We'll be alright, okay?" She kisses my head still rubbing my back.
