𝑆𝐼𝑁𝐶𝐸𝑅𝐸𝐿𝑌, 𝐽𝑈𝐷𝐸. || 𝐽𝑈𝑁𝐺𝐾𝑂𝑂𝐾 𝐹𝐹

no. 4

"jude?" i heard a knock at my door and could only get out a faint 'come in'

jungkook slowly creaked open my bedroom door, i could see a plate with something the darkness made impossible for me to make out. i sat on the corner of my bed that also happened to be in the corner of my room, my body protected by two walls meeting behind me. my knees pulled to my chest and the book i had read too fast laying on my pillow next to me. a soft hiccup escaped me as i tried to wipe the tears that had dried on my cheeks.

"can i sit with you" he asked, hesitant about how i would react.

"please" i responded, watching him shut the door behind him and make his way to me. the storm had calmed for about fifteen minutes which is probably why he came in at this time. now i could see that the plate he was holding held those frighteningly amazing frosted sugar cookies from walmart.

he sat right next to me, placing the plate on my desk, not forgetting to grab me a cookie first.

"these used to be your favorite, i don't know if you still like them. sorry, it's kind of stupid i just thought maybe" he stopped when i took the cookie from him and immediately took a bite.

he smiled, not a big smile, but one of those you have when you see an old couple eating dinner together. jungkook remembered so many things about me from so so long ago. i wondered how he didn't completely drop those memories when we lost touch. he seemed to remember everything about me, even the smallest of details. it was sweet but it also hurt my heart a little. 

we sat in silence, the rain tapping on my window was helping to calm my nerves, because it made me think the storm had passed and now only rain was left.

it started to rain heavier again and jungkook noticed how it caused my mood to change. "you know, i used to have the biggest crush on you" he tried to distract me and use talking to mask the rising sound of rain.

i looked at him with wide eyes. "me? with my bug eyes and crooked smile and awful haircut?" i asked, pointing out all the things i hated about myself when looking at old pictures. he scoffed at my reaction, not being what he wanted. "first of all your hair wasn't nearly as bad as you make it out to be" he raised a finger like it would help to make his point clear, and we both laughed.

"and second, i wasn't really worried about your appearance at all. you were goofy and didn't care that your best friends were two stupid boys, which you didn't miss a chance to point out how you were doing us a favor by being our friend" he described me perfectly, not missing a detail.

"besides, your 'bug eyes' were adorable, and nothing beat seeing that crooked smile and how your eyes crinkle when you laugh. that much hasn't changed" he spoke softly, just loud enough for me to hear his words as he said them. i blushed and looked down at my shaky hands, flattered by his compliments. 

just then, it clicked in my brain. these were the memories he held onto. jungkook moved to korea the summer before 4th grade, leaving everything he had ever known behind. he began trying to make his career and really training when he was thirteen, so he missed every teenage memory that i considered essential.

almost all he had to remember about his true childhood included me and hobi. i suddenly felt a gigantic wave of guilt fall over me for taking advantage of my highschool experience.

"hey, earth to jude" he waved a hand in front of my face, i didn't even realize i had zoned out. "sorry" i apologized, just when a huge crash of thunder was heard. i flinched and buried my head in my knees.

i felt jungkook wrap his long arms around me and i immediately melted into his embrace, my hot tears staining his shirt. "i'm here, nothing is going to hurt you" he promised while combing his finger through my hair.

i felt like child. such a juvenile fear that felt no less real in my 20 year old mind. 

i held onto him like there was no tomorrow and he let me, knowing it was what i needed. even being all grown up now he was there when i needed him, providing as much comfort as he possibly could.

"will you sleep in here?" i asked with my head still buried in his chest. he nodded and said "only if you're comfortable with that" he continued brushing his hands through my hair, resting his chin on my head.

it didn't stop storming and i didn't stop crying until god knows how late. i laid down and he pulled the covers up over me, getting in bed next to me. he wrapped his arms around me once more, still whispering affirmations quietly into my ear.

soon enough my sobs turned into soft hiccups. one thing i will always remember is how he began singing to me, in the softest voice i had ever heard. feeling the hums of his voice on his chest lulled me to sleep. hearing him sing to me like that i never would've guessed that he was in a rock band.

his grip around me didn't loosen until he was sure i was fast asleep. he fell asleep shortly after me, having forced himself to stay awake to adjust to new york time.

he stayed up late for me, and fortunately, this was not the last intimate night we shared that summer.