Imperfections & Love

I want You

Charlotte's POV...

Three weeks have gone by since my surgery. I went through one more week of radiation treatments immediately after the surgery, and then I was cleared to go home.

My parents have been staying with us in my apartment to help me recover, but after week two, I felt I was good enough to return to work. Levi was nervous for me though and talked me into taking one more week off. I agreed, although I sent my parents back to North Carolina so I could have some time relaxing at home alone during the day.

Truthfully, I needed for them to go back home so I could have some alone time with Levi. I was worried about him. His left side bothered him, he needed the crutches at all times, and he was in pain. He tried to hide the pain, but I always saw it. Therapy was exhausting for him, he was discouraged and angry even though he fought hard not to take it out on me, which was also exhausting for him. This is my fault. I know Levi doesn't accept that this is my fault, but I was supposed to be his therapist, I was supposed to make sure he was physically ready to go back home on his own. I'm done blaming my decisions on my tumor, I had a choice and I made the wrong one. Now I have to fix this.

"I'm going back to work tomorrow," I flat out tell Levi.

He's sitting on the couch with his head leaning back and his eyes closed. It's four in the afternoon and he's too tired to do anything.

His head snaps back up at my voice and his worried eyes glare at me. "Why tomorrow?" he asks.

" I'm feeling fine, really! I'm also bored having nothing to do here, I need to get back out," I tell him.

I don't want him to know that I really want to get back to work so I can keep an eye on him. He doesn't want to be the reason for me to throw myself back into my busy work load.

Levi adjusts himself so that he can lean forward and rest his head in his hands. He doesn't say anything, and I can't read his expression. When he straightens out his left leg and starts massaging his thigh, I walk over and sit down on the coffee table to face him.

"May I ?" I ask him while leaning down to grab his lower left leg. He wants to protest but then nods his head at me.

He hasn't let me do much of anything to help him since my surgery. I knew it was because he needed to feel like he was here to help me, and he did, even if it wasn't in the ways he wanted to. Just his presence here has helped me. I've missed him so much.

I gently remove his leg brace and lift his leg to rest on my thigh while he relaxes against the back of the couch and I begin massaging his muscles. Every muscle in his leg is tight and I'm sure massaging them is painful too, but he hasn't let me do this in three weeks.

"I'm going to do one of your therapy sessions with you at rehab every day from now on, no refusing," I blurt out.

He just sits there wincing in pain while I press my fingers into his extremely rigid muscles. No wonder why he's having constant spasms. I'm sure he hasn't let Nate do any massaging or stretching with him, only strength training I'm guessing.

"Charlotte, you don't have to...I..," his voice shaky, but I stop him.

" Levi, I want to, please let me help you."

Before he could respond, I get up and slowly climb onto the couch and onto his lap, straddling both his thighs with mine. I place both of my hands on the side of his face and gently caress his cheeks with my thumbs.

" I love you more than anything and I am not going to let you go through this alone," I softly speak.

He reaches up and grabs my face before pressing his lips to mine. At first the kiss is urgent, almost rough, his slightly chapped lips pressed hard against mine as he forces our tongues to collide. It's like he's been holding everything inside for weeks and is finally able to let it all out.

After a moment, his lips became softer and his touch more passionate. His tongue gently gliding over mine. He pulls me closer into him before we both need to release and catch our breath. This is the first time we've  been intimate since I got home from the hospital. I missed this, he missed this, we both were craving this.

" I love you Charlotte, so much," he moans then starts kissing me again.

I pull his shirt off over his head and brush his torso with my fingertips, causing goosebumps to form on his chest. He swiftly removes my shirt and bra and with his right arm wrapped around my waist, he stands up onto his right leg and flips me onto my back on the couch. He carefully lays his body on top of mine, our lips still connected. He pulls down his shorts and boxers first and then removes my panties. I can feel all of his skin against mine causing my stomach to flip inside and a shiver to jolt up my spine. I reach down and feel that he's ready for me , so after a few quick strokes, I guide him to the spot. I'm more than ready for him too. His lips trail down my neck, then my collar bone. When he suckles my breast, I can't wait any longer. I want him so badly. I lead him inside me and he places his hands up by my head, pushing into me harder. He moans again, "You feel so warm, it feels so good," he breathes into my mouth, locking our lips and exploring my mouth again. My fingers dig into his back, " I'm not going to last! I'm sorry!" He huffs. I shift my hips under him so that I can feel him against my sensitive spot, I want to release when he does.

After we finish making love, we stay snuggled against each other for a while. He softly brushes his finger tips along the side of my face and down my neck and hugs me tighter. "You don't know how much I needed that...needed you," he whispers, burying his face into my neck. " I can't ever lose you," he barely allows me to hear him say.

I turn my body to face him. His bare chest against mine, I intertwine my legs with his and tilt his face toward mine while I comb my fingers through his hair. A storm of emotions swirling around in those gorgeous eyes of his. His vulnerable side showing through. I can see the worry in his expressions. Does he think I am going to leave him? My mom told me that she told Levi about my previous tumor and car accident, but him and I have yet to talk about all that. He's been waiting for me to be ready. He's probably anxious to know if it will happen again.

He is trying to avoid eye contact with me, he knows how easily I can read him. So, I slowly brush my hand through his hair again then softly stroke his cheek with my thumb and gently pull him closer to kiss him.

" I am not going anywhere, not for any reason, I love you too much to ever let you go, you hear me?" I pronounce my words very carefully so they sink in.

He kisses me back and says , " I know."

" Now let's take a shower and make some dinner, we can watch a movie after," I lightly suggest and untangle myself from him.

"Sounds good," he smiles back at me, then sits up and averts his eyes towards the floor.

I meant what I said, I could never leave him again, I hope he will realize that. He is struggling right now, and I can only hope that our love is strong enough to get through this obstacle.