His Woman, her Toms - TommyinnitxOc

36

I sit reading next to the window on my bed. I had finished the Hunger Games trilogy yesterday and now I was just rereading my favourite parts to distract myself. I have been in a constant battle to keep myself from thinking too much and getting too lost in my thoughts because I wasn't ready to break down. 

I try and focus on Katniss blowing up the Career's supplies but then she loses rue and I can't help the tears that are spilling, for Rue's death and everything that's going on in my head. After Rue dies I put the book down and fall back to lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. 

I think about how much Katniss must have felt broken for losing someone she cared about so much. But my thoughts go to Mack and losing him after so many years of friendship. I shouldn't be feeling sad for losing it since he was so mean to me but I can't help but miss my old friend. 

-Flashback-

"I didn't mean it. You know sometimes I say things I dont mean." Mack pleaded with me as I walked through the hallway of his house. 

"Really Mack? Sometimes?" I say, hot tears flowing down my cheeks. "It's almost every fucking day now." 

Every day there's something. Every day I fidget too much, talk too much, dont have enough fun, say something that just sends him off the edge. He needs to know that his 'mistakes' hurt. Having my friend of ten years telling me that everything is wrong with me and that I need to change. 

"Come on Bree. You take everything to heart, it's just words." He says with a humourless chuckle. 

"Words can hurt Mack," I yell back at him.

-End of Flashback-

I run both hands up my face and through my hair as I start to sob. My best friend thought that too many things were wrong with me, and even if what he did wasn't right, he could have still been right. I could have really been annoying and Toby was just being nice and not saying anything. 

I look out of the window but my eyes are too blurry from the tears and I sigh in frustration. 

You would think that we all have bad habits and bad qualities and we cant help some of them because we are human. But that shouldn't be an excuse. Because you can fix talking too much and learn to sit still. You can learn how to not tick off everyone around you.

I bite my bottom lip to stop its constant trembling and leave my hands in my hair as I think.

Walking up to a person used to be so easy. I could go up to a stranger and start up a conversation without a second thought. Now I can look the person in the eye without worrying about how they are judging and hating me. Why can't I go back to not caring? Why did my confidence have to falter?

I dont know how to fix it and it's irritating. Why does my brain have to go and get messed up. Why couldn't I have stayed strong and have stood up against Mack? I'm so fucking tired of my brain.

And Mack is out there living like he didn't just ruin my life. Like he didn't just mess with my brain so much I dont recognize myself. Sometimes I think I'm back but I just get shoved back to the ground and there is nothing I can do about it. 

Mack should have to pay for what he's done. He shouldn't be able to get away without any repercussions. Because I need someone to help me put the pieces back and he should have that responsibility. I know he is still in there, the Mack that cares and I keep hoping he will come out and fix everything. 

-Flashback-

"Toby!" I sing his name loudly and he bursts through the door to the playroom. I double over in a giggling fit as ten-year-old Toby stands in a suit and tie. His top hat is crooked but it suits him. 

"Tada!" He says with the biggest smile on his face. He walks over to next to me and I lightly shove him as he sits way too close, which I know is just to annoy me. 

"Mack!" I call out and Mack stumbles into the room. He is wearing suspenders and a similar top hat to Toby. His dress shirt and pants making him look like a person from the olden days. 

I applaud and so does Toby while we all give out light chuckles. 

"Bree do a spin," Mack suggests and I smile happily and get up to do a twirl.

I am wearing a light blue sundress and some white sandals. We were definitely ready for Mack's parent's wedding. 

"You look beautiful." Toby compliments and I give him the biggest smile I can.

"Toby is lying. You look perfect." Mack says and I can't help the blush that forms at the compliment. 

"You both look dapper. I learned that word from my dad today." I told them, happy for my achievement. 

-End of Flashback-

Toby says that I shouldn't want him back in my life because it'll mess me up all over again but who else would help me? Toby has already tried but it never lasts. 

My breathing isn't too erratic but I take in a few deep breaths. I decide to take a walk to try and get some fresh air. I feel like this room is going to force me to keep on thinking about this until I suffocate. 

I grab a random sweater from my closet and put it on. The blue oversized hoodie feels way too long but I dont question it as I put my shoes on and make my way outside. I am glad that no one saw me leave because they would have made me talk about it and right now I wasn't going to be able to do that. 

I walked down the street and down a path I had seen earlier this month. I hadn't explored it yet and now seemed like the perfect time. 

I thought about everyone who loved me. They said they didn't care about my imperfections but were they lying? Because I dont think I could take someone I love pushing me away again. Even if I didn't love Mack romantically I loved him like a brother and it hurt like hell to lose him and hear the words he said leave his mouth. 

Now I felt angry that I let his words escalate so much. I could have stopped his horrible behaviour earlier but I had stupidly thought it was just temporary. He had become this new person and I dont know if I would still recognize his personality if I talked to him. 

I laughed at that thought. I guess we both changed a lot. Even if it wasn't for the better. 

I realized I had gotten far down the path while lost in my thoughts and saw a brick wall about as high as my waist start to form only about 20 meters away. I walked up to it and sat upon it to give my legs a rest. 

I turned to look at my left and couldn't help but stare in awe at the setting sun on the city. The large lake made it all look like a picture you would find on Pinterest. I brought the sleeve of my sweater up to wipe my wet cheeks and realized it smelled different. 

I brought the sleeve up to my nose and noticed I was wearing Toms's sweater I had forgotten to give back that day he took me to the beach. A small smile made its way to my lips as I thought about that day. 

Toms would always be there. That's something that in that moment I knew.

A/n:

Hey there!

I wanted to do this because I needed Bree to take some time to think about everything with Mack. She needed to have a bit of a breakdown to start to build herself back up. Now we get to the good stuff!