Part 32

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You awoke to the feeling of something stroking your cheeks. Your eyes fluttered open to see Suga's face swimming in front of you. You realized his fingers had been gently caressing your cheek while his arm was tucked under your head as your pillow. You had a fleeting thought that it was the most comfortable pillow you'd ever had. Suga smiled when your sleepy gaze met his.

"'Morning, little firecracker." He said huskily, his voice hoarse from sleep. "Well, more like good afternoon." He corrected himself, smirking in amusement. You blinked, eyelids still heavy.

"Were you watching me sleep?" You asked, rolling out your neck.

"Maybe."

"Creeper."

Suga chuckled and you shuddered at the low rumble from his chest. He pushed against you and you rolled onto your back as he hovered over you, placing moth hands on either side of your head to hold himself up. He lowered himself down to place a long sweet kiss on your lips. You hummed in satisfaction as you lifted your hands to fit around his neck. The kiss deepened and you felt Suga made an odd sound in the back of his throat as one of his hands found your waist and tucked under your shirt. You gasped as the burning touch on your bare skin and he took the opportunity to trail kisses down your jaw and your neck.

You had to admit, you could get used to waking up like this.

Suga's lips returned to yours and they became more urgent as you pushed your fingers into his messy hair, responding just as urgently. It was starting to get hot as Suga moved to pull your shirt over your head. Just as he was about to pull it away, you let out a quiet moan and arched your back.

Suddenly, you had a flashback of Luke's hands removing your shirt as he pushed you back into the bed.

Just as sweet as I remember

You gasped as bugs crawled over your skin and jerked back, pushing Suga away. You couldn't get the feeling of Luke's hand on you and your heart jerked up into your throat as you gagged.

"Stop, s-stop..." You croaked, pulling your shirt out of Suga's grip. Suga rolled off you instantly and turned to you in concern.

"Y/N? What's wrong, did I hurt you?" Suga looked over you in concern and you felt your eyes well up in tears. You couldn't believe Luke was still affecting you. He was freaking dead and he was still affecting you.

"N-no, I'm sorry, it's not you." You tucked your knees into your chest and pressed your forehead against your legs, forcing yourself to breathe.

You hated yourself. You were dirty, used, broken. Suga deserved better.

"Y/N, talk to me." Suga whispered. He touched you timidly and when you didn't recoil, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. You felt a couple of tears roll down your cheeks.

"I-I can't stop thinking about..." You trailed off and Suga didn't need you to finish the sentence. He knew what you were thinking.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I'm so sorry, I should have protected you." He whispered, tightening his hold on you. You shook your head, a couple more tears escaping past your defenses.

"You should hate me. You shouldn't be blaming yourself. I did this." You growled, clenching your fists.

"You didn't do anything. You were doing what you had to survive. I could never hate you for that."

"But I wasn't, Yoongi!" You cried out, pulling out of his grip. Suga stared at you in surprise as you turned away from him.

"I didn't have to... sleep with him. I could have fought him off. I should have fought him off. I thought... I thought you were dead. He told me he'd won, which I thought meant he had killed you." You shivered at the memory. "I didn't have to let him do that to me. There was no point in pretending anymore if you were dead. I could have fought him off, but I didn't. I didn't say no... I didn't say anything..." You trailed off and gritted your teeth, curling up.

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