Even The Playing Field | BOOK #1 IN THE PSU SERIES

thirty-nine

If you need anything.

He wanted to help me after I just destroyed his best friend? I let out another sniffle.

I wasn't present at that moment. I felt like I was floating above the mass chaos that I just caused. I caused all of my problems for myself. I caused everyone's problems.

If you need anything.

I was glad I wasn't present in my body because I knew that as soon as I was; it would be an instant attack.

I couldn't believe my dad. How could Coach set me up like that? It was going so good—how did it all go bad so fast? The storm and fire in his eyes. I caused that. I had seen that look once before.

It was my fathers eyes whenever we left my mom's funeral—it was the actualization that he was stuck with me forever.

But he wasn't, he pawned me off.

God—I can only imagine what he told Matti.

I know Matti and Matti had so much compassion for me before, he had to know why I was the way I was and why I felt the way I did. But then again I was the one who brought out the compassion in him—maybe this hurt him enough that he didn't have any feelings except hatred for me now.

He didn't want me to speak to him.

Look at him.

Sit by him.

He was so persistent to be with me before. I sniffled again.

I had taken advantage of him.

I wasn't weak or a pathetic girl for feeling this way—I just knew how much it hurt him. I knew what it was like to be lied to and let down, and I was no better than my father or anyone that had hurt me at this point.

I just didn't want him to know me because of my father. My father was not a good person—I never talked with my father, he didn't know me. I didn't feel the need or want to talk to anyone about my father.

I really fucked this all up.

Usually he was the one hurting me and chasing me, but I knew that I couldn't chase Matti. Because for every footstep I took after him, five hundred girls would be two steps ahead.

My dad had done what he does best; revenge. I had taken away his fairytale and so he felt the need to do the same to me.

But relationships like Matti and mine—they only happened in movies. In books—it was all fiction. Did we really think he was going to stay? No.

We all just hoped that I had changed him enough to the point where he would do anything for me because he would have loved me enough.

But I wasn't his type as he's said before. I wasn't a busty blonde bimbo, I was the girl from art class that he hit with the door. The rich guy meets the poor girl. The rich guy doesn't want the poor girl once he knows that she isn't who everyone thinks she is.

And so with that realization, I came back into my body.

And the weight I felt was enormous.

The girls were staring at me. What felt like an hour since Matti left was actually five minutes ago. My heart was cracking inside of my rib cage. My heart was palpitating in pain. My eyes were burning and my nose was wet. My face felt warm and my hands were clammy.

"Naomi?" Nats voice spoke from beside me—a hand waved in front of my face. I raised my hands and rubbed my eyes, clearing the liquid out of them to be able to see a clearer day, but it was still the same old gray color blue.