The Honor of Love (ATLA fanfic)

32. Destiny and Dreams

I woke up with a terrible headache. I stretched my face, as it was a little bit sticky from the tears I shed. Annoyed and sad, knowing it wasn't a dream, I rubbed my eyes. I sat up straight and looked around the room. I saw Zuko sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, watching me anxiously. I pushed the blanket of me, and stepped with one leg out of the bed. Zuko stood up, running towards me, trying to get me down.

"Don't you dare touch me! Get off!" I yelled angrily. "Istari," he grunted, trying to push my arms down, "you fainted," he panted, "take. It. Easy!" I stopped struggling and crossed my arms over my chest. "Fine!" I grunted. "I'm perfectly fine, you can go now." I said annoyed, looking away from him.

"I don't want to go. I want to talk to you." He said calmly, sitting next to me on the bed. "Well, I don't want to talk to you." I replied and pressed my lips firmly onto each other. "Istari, I-" Zuko started and he looked down, not being able to come up with any words. "Why did you do it?"

I scoffed. "Why?" I asked surprised. "Let's see... Uhm, you betrayed me. I thought your sister killed my friend. She talked about imprisoning me, about torturing my friends, killing them. You turned your back to your uncle, who has been more of a father to you than your own bloody father! What else could I have done? It was the only way out. Because you know what? I'd rather die than betray my friends, than to betray someone I love," I said coldly, "and you used me. You took advantage of me and lied that you loved me."

"I do love you Istari, I always have and I still do." Zuko said quietly.
"You loved me so much that you left me there, letting me bleed to death?" I asked, "Teaming up with your screwed up and sick sister?!"

Zuko looked down, pressing his eyes together. "Azula took me away from you and told me you had died. When I came back to the catacombs, you were gone. I went back home and my father welcomed me a hero, and I thought my father loved me again. I had everything. Except you, and uncle. And that wasn't worth it. And I learned that only I can restore my honor. And the only way I could honor you and uncle was to teach Aang firebending. I know I betrayed uncle, and you. And I am so, so sorry." He said, his eyes filling with tears, "I know what I did to you, but I promise you, I have changed and I will never hurt you again."

"Well, let's hope your uncle can forgive you, then." I said quickly, wiping a tear off my cheek, "Because you won't get any from me."

"I wish I jumped after you and uncle, back in Ba Sing Se." He said quietly. I smiled faintly. "And then what?" I scoffed. "Aang would have been without two firebending teachers. I am happy for you, that you finally chose the right path. But you're gonna walk it without me," I replied, looking at him. "As you gave me up to get there." I moved forward, trying to look at him."So if you really want to help Aang and do good, you have to let me go."

Zuko didn't say anything. Instead, he laid down, his head on my chest and wrapped his arm around my waist.
I let him, I didn't push him away. It was nice, to be held like this. The feeling of being loved and the feeling that I'm safe. Sadly I didn't feel this way with Zuko. This is always how we wanted to end up. But too much has happened, and I can't let my heart be broken again. Too much has happened. And the small sense of love I have left I can only give to one person, myself. Before I bring another person into my life: my child.

"Is there a way?" He asked me. "No, I'm afraid not... I'm sorry. I want to start over, Zuko." I replied.
"We can start over together." Zuko said, looking up at me. I shook my head and smiled. "You need to take your throne and rebuild the Fire Nation. That is your destiny, not mine."

"And what's yours then?" He asked me. I smiled and closed my eyes. "To live in a village. A house with a porch, where I sit in a rocking chair, watching the people just do their things. The smell of jasmine from the flowers around my house in the air. Singing songs for a living, maybe join the theater like I did on Ember Island, and just live in peace." I said airily. "Still quite lonely if you go alone." Zuko said grimly. "Don't worry, I won't be alone." I replied with a smile as I opened my eyes.