Rusger oneshots (because w h y n o t-)

I promise I'm not dead, so have some incorrect quotes

Look I'm not dead!
Real shocker I know-
But ayyyyy
Sorry it takes me so long to update-
But motivation wack
So have some incorrect quotes!
DatGerman I love yous :3
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America: We are not out of control! We are law abiding citizens!
UN: Really? Name one law
Russia: Don't kill people?
UN: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

One of the allies: my policy is; if you see something say something
Young Germany: I saw a frog outside today
One of the allies: outstanding, this is what I'm talking about people.

Russia: *Accidentally hits Germany in the face*
Russia: *Trying to decide between saying 'I'm fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Russia: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Germany:*starts crying*
Russia: oH nO-

Britain: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.
America: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?
Britain: No! Four to five seconds!
America: Too late!!!

[DatGerman: This is a mistake
Puppet, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!
DatGerman: But not today
Puppet, still enthusiastic: Oh no, Today's going to be a mess]

France: A theif.
Britain: Thief?
France: Theif.
Britain, embracing his inner England: I before E, except after C.
America: Thceif.
Britain: No.

Philippines: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday
Malaysia: Wednesay
Indonesia: Not what I personally had in mind, but I'm flexible

China: Where are you going?
America: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I'll decide on the way there

Britain, to France : My life is in the hands of an idiot!
France, motioning to themself and America: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Australia, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him
Switzerland: You did WHAT–
Also Switzerland: William Snakepeare

Store Worker: Would a Mx.Germany please come to the front desk?
Germany, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: points to Italy and Japan
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
Italy and Japan, simultaneously: We got lost :(
Germany: I didn't even bring you guys here with me-

Britain(?): Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Reichtangle probably trying to seem tough: I'm a knife.
Austria-Hungary, from across the room: They're the little spoon.

*the communists when China's gone*
Vietnam: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life
Laos: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
North Korea: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.
Cuba: edible

England: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Scotland: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Wales: I personally was created in a field.
Ireland: I just straight up spawned lol.

America or Russia probably: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.
Germany,mr I don't practice self care: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
France???: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies' eyes!!!
Russia or America again-: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
Britain??: If you touch my birthday cake I'll make you eat your hands.