Rusger oneshots (because w h y n o t-)

Good old incorrect quotes because brain say no

School starts in in a week more or less and I a m n o t r e a d y
uWu
I'm be more dead then I already am-

Sorry :(

Anyway yeah good old incorrect quotes, blame Insignificant_Isopod because theirs are funny
There's a lot of Rusger quotes because this I s a r u s g e r b o o k-

Ukraine: Looking for glowing skin? Go to Chernobyl.
Belarus: I think that's called radiation poisoning.
Ukraine: Nope! Just the healthy glow of youth.

*pre relationship*
Germany: are you seeing anyone?
Russia: like a hallucination, a therapist, or a partner?
Russia: you gotta be more specific.

ASEAN: What do you call sabotage and vandalism?
Maphilindo: A hobby
ASEAN:
Maphilindo: ...That We do not engage in

Japan: Wow, you have a better grip than me.
Italy: I was a theatre kid. I clench my hands dramatically a lot.

Little Germany: tomorrow im graduating Kindergarten.
Britain: what did you major in?
Little Germany: crayon

Drunk Russia:Life is like a can of candles for a shunk.(Thanks to my friend for that)
Germany: You're lucky I love you.

Cuba: You know what? You actually have a point.
North K.:
North K.: Please don't agree with me.
North K.: It makes me uncomfortable.

North K.: Why are you looking at me through a fork?
South K.: I'm pretending that you're in jail.
North K.: Why?
South K.: It's spiritually healing.

NATO: You were supposed to do something about the raccoon under the deck.
America: I did! I named him Lord Stanley. He likes Coco Puffs.

Britain: Why do you smell like smoke?
America:*after some conflict?* I got set on fire twice.
France: I thought you were fireproof.
America: Nope, just stubborn.
(Overly Sarcastic productions is one of the best channels-)

Me, doing something with Reichtangle and knowing full well he gets a bad rep compared to the actual context of him: Reichtangle can be cute, as a treat.
@SlavsSolyanka I'm calling you out too-

Germany:*looking at mugs* This one says "I'm an otter... with a dark side!"
Russia: ...I can't believe I'm head over heels in love with him and kiss him goodnight almost everyday.
Ukraine: Well, you don't have to.
Russia: No, I'm gonna.

North K.: That goes against my moral compass.
China: Your moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel.

South Sudan: Hey ya'll. So, I know I'm the new guy here, but I think I can speak for everyone when I say... I don't know what the fuck is going on.
Everyone: Agreed.

*At EU building*
France, slightly concerned adoptive father 2/3: when was the last time you slept?
Germany, holding his 6th cup of coffee: yes

Germany, trying to seem tough for whatever reason-: I have edge!
Russia: You really don't. You are literally the most wide-eyed person I've ever seen. You have the face of a cartoon lamb.
(Germany, boi, you literally have round glasses-)

*USSR gets revived for some reason*
Soviet: what the fu-
Soviet: -uuuuuuuuuudge.
Soviet: Why do I feel like I can't swear in front of you. Do you swear?
Germany: Sometimes.
Soviet: Can you say a swear word, then?
Germany: Scheiße (supposed to be Fuck, google and translators are weird so just roll with it)
Soviet: Thank you.

America: Uh oh.
Germany: What?
America: Somebody's in love.~
Germany: Yeah, right. I just think Russia's cool. It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about him.
Germany, later that night: Uh oh.

France: What is it called when you kill a friend?
America: Homiecide
Britain: Murder
America: Homiecide.

Germany(?): That sounds like a terrible plan.
China yelling from afar: Oh we have had worse.

Russia: "You can't make everyone like you. You're not Germany."
[your choice]: "What? Not everyone likes Germany."
Russia: "Who doesn't like Germany?"
[your choice]: "Well-"
Russia: "Names, now. Give me their names."

*passive aggressive friendship intensifies*
America: Eat my bacon again and I'll eat your shower curtains.
China: America, I have glass doors-
America: Well, crunchity munchity then! You think that'll stop me?

About to be rain of terror and pre-Napoleon wars France: So no head?

America: Oh, here's my award for the most UN rules broken!
Britain: Ame, that's not an award. That's an angry letter from the unions.
America, hanging it up in his room: Well, it has the word 'most' in it, so I'm calling it an award.

Prussia, trying to seem super powerful to another Empire, lovingly(in a father son way) holding Reichtangle in his arms: I am not nice.

Me: I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven.
( @Insignificant_Isopod would do this, you can't deny it.)

Puppet(me): If you put a milkshake in one yard and cracked open a cold one in another yard, which would the boys go to?
Puppet(me): Schrodinger's boys(I had to do an entire project on the dude that made schrodingers cat once-)
Iso (Insignificant_Isopod ): As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but a cold one doesn't have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshake, however, do. All else being equal, the boys proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful.
Maple (MapleSyrupUwU ): Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town

There you go-
Hope you liked those
Idk what else to put here because I'm kinda tired rn and my brain doesn't wanna work so yay-