The Spencer Letters

Letter 40.

Dear Spencer,

Happy Birthday, Duckie!!! Today you are 24 years old. How about that?

Remember when we were kids and we couldn't wait till we got to be grown ups, in charge of our own lives, without anyone telling us what we can or can't do? ...Can you remind me again why the hell did we want that?! We really had no fucking idea how hard being an adult was going to be, did we?

Idiots!

If only we knew then how easy we had it when we were twelve! We wouldn't have given the future that much thought. We would have enjoyed our time as our parents' dependents more and complained less.

But here we are... absolutely nowhere near where we thought we would be by now.

Does it have to be such a bad thing, though?

Life is not what we think it is when we're kids. We're raised to believe that our whole lives depend on what we do when we get out of high school. That our career choices will determine our whole future, that whether we succeed or fail in life, it all depends on decisions about what we'll do to earn money. Success is always about money.

You and I seemed to have made all the right calls. You got your Bachelor's Degree and would be close to finishing your Master's in Communication if you wouldn't have gotten in that accident. And I got my Arts degree and then moved to the center of the action to further my education at ESMOD in Paris.

We did everything right... but life is not our jobs. Our lives are the result of our relationships: with our parents, siblings, friends, lovers. No degree in the world can make us succeed at that. Love is what life boils down to.

Both our careers are on hold for now, but the love is flowing more than ever. This is the most successful we've ever been.

Yes, we're a complete mess, but we've never been as loved as we are right now in this very moment. You may not be awake to see it, but the love was all around you today.

Your mom, your brother, Dylan, Junior, my mom, my dad, Shane, Stephanie, Cruz, Monique, me and Baby Styles, we were all there with you today. All crammed into that small hospital room to shower you with our love.

Today I wasn't mad at Harry and your mom wasn't mad at me. Harry wasn't jealous of Cruz and Stephanie wasn't jealous of me. Today there were no rivals or enemies or ex lovers or ex friends in that room, only people who love Spencer.

It was beautiful.

Dylan and Junior went all out to celebrate you. I'm sure you'll be extremely proud of them when you wake up and see the pictures we took. They really threw a birthday party worthy of praise, even from the harshest of party critics: you. You would've given their effort and execution a solid 10/10. They did not disappoint.

The room was decorated top to bottom. You could barely see the machines around your bed! They got blueberry muffins for everyone, your favorite. And your mom baked a Bourbon Chocolate Tipsy Cake that you like so much! Sadly, I couldn't eat any due to the alcohol in it, but your mom thought of that in advance and made me a double chocolate cupcake exclusively for me. I felt special, even though it was your day!

We just hung out around you for a while, sharing stories, reminiscing, laughing, crying (but from happiness) and remembering that nothing going on in our individual lives matters more than our love for you. And for you, we were a family today. Your family.

Despite the ambience, it's still a hospital, so we couldn't be there too long. There were too many people!! But the time spent together was priceless.

It felt like before. Before you and I left, before Harry and I were more than friends, before you were immobilized in a bed for 5 months.