tales of a black sheep

One Of These Things Is Not Like the Other, Or Is It?

I still don't understand how this gene could skip me? Fast forward from that science classroom in Junior High to 18 year old 4'10 265lbs self dangling her feet of the examination table, waiting for the doctor to come in with my test results from the Child psychologist, (who I cursed the day I met her because a woman that wicked deserves no once of luck or good ju ju) . "So shithead (what my doctor calls me are used to call me hot dog when I was a child but after one time I told him where he could stick it he called me shithead he's a good man he's taken care of four generations of my family we give him a bottle of Rum or Whiskey for Christmas every year for him saving my biological fathers life when all other doctors gave up hope he didn't) it seems your assessment went well but yes you do in fact have ADHD as well", "REALLY? And I'm just being told this now?" I was then told the reason why was because the study information like most neurological differences, like autism, was a male-based study. Females have different symptoms of the condition and due to the sexist prejudice most women go undiagnosed for many years most the time, like myself, until adulthood. Mine was only caught because ,I required documents to continue adaptations into university and they would not accept documents from 2004. They wanted an assessment within the last two years and 2004 does not land in between 2016-2018. To get this 10k assessment (I discovered how much it cost and the fact School told us we would have to pay for it because, I no longer needed it for that school board and my mother threatened the school and school board, if they did not get me assessed and they made us pay for it because insurance does not cover it she was going to sue them for not fallowing legal procedure which was that the school should've had me tested every two years since first diagnosed ( at the age of four) when I entered the school system and they didn't they just left whatever was in place. That test done by the wicked witch of the East said a lot more than anyone knew. Not only did I have dyslexia and dyscalculia, I had ADHD a processing disorder and memory and auditory issues and many other things but the general term for all of that is a learning disabilities. Like autism, it's on the spectrum.
Some have it worse then others and that I do have a very high IQ it's just from brain to paper was the issue and is still to this day. I also had a behaviour and mental analysis done I had depression, anxiety and panic disorder on top of all that. I just recently discovered they have different types of ADHD and then I also suffer from a condition called rejection sensitive dysphoria which is in relation to ADHD. So these disabilities don't just affect my learning, they affect my every day life the affects my physical and mental health. Everything is a mess of wires but it's all connected some how. It was implied by the psychiatrist that I was not disabled I'm just dumb. Well, I've had honours throughout high school, so, it wasn't that. She said it's probably that I had poor hearing and eye sight, both doctors said I had amazing test results so it's not that. Why would you try to make a child feel stupid when you're the one that supposed to be telling them that they are smart and capable of doing what they want not making them feel they are a monkey preforming tasks for bananas for a reward. I was the monkey but my reward was a half ass complements and poor remarks. "It seems you are in fact disabled Ms.Mattinson." (No fucking shit Sherlock! you want a fucking medal? You think you made a massive discovery? you are the only person at this table (which consisted of myself , counsellor asshole (we shall get to him), my amazing Learning Disabilities adviser (it was one of the first teachers to ever believe in me and give a fighting chance we first met in my 6th grade and she started my transition into the "normal world") and my vice principal (who is a peach and amazing supporter) thought I wasn't disabled) See I told you and the test provided me and my mother where right!" " I still do not believe that you got tested at four and that the test results are accurate four is very young and that you have dyslexia and that your mother is not mentally disabled like you are because she doesn't have a test to prove it." My mom was born in 1975 you think they have the shit we have today to determine that? no... do we have 10k for an assessment for a 40 year old Who is a successful nurse with two kids and a loving husband why in the hell would she need a test now? To prove you wrong again? You just don't pop out disabled like myself without a parent having it, not possible. I saw my family doctor and he gave me medication to help me with the ADHD... and this my fellow human beans where bad goes to worse...