tales of a black sheep

Poppin Pills Like a Pezz Dispenser

Now back to what I was saying... Oh right! University! the big leagues! I am officially an adult, sorta! I packed two suitcases and flew to completely new province that I've never been before in my entire life by myself. I have one friend already living there and he help me move in (sadly we no longer talk). Now we are where shit gets interesting. I have never really been unsupervised I really didn't know what to do with myself. This was A LOT of freedom to myself but another thing was I am very close to my family and having no friends and no family in the province not even a support person I was overwhelmed. Then classes started and boy was I in for a shit show. My amazing family doctor put me on medication and this is the first time. I've ever taken pills in my entire life (I am the most forgetful person in the world and we will talk about that later). He told me these drugs help me focus will keep me on track, he did not explain to me the side effects and how my body would react to taking this drug... I took A short acting Concerta 18 mg's (it was a small dosage to see how well it worked). I was what going through What was discovered as hyperfocused I did not eat, sleep, shower or potty for 4 days straight and crashed so hard on the 5th day. I walked into my class and my professor thought I was hung over and had been partying. I got very sick... I couldn't eat and then when the drugs wear off I eat like I hadn't eaten in a week... I would physically make myself sick from eating or trying to force myself to eat. I dropped weight like no ones business. In 2019 I dropped 30lbs in under 3 weeks i'd lost so much weight my clothes didn't fit and I hit it from my family until I had a mental breakdown and was told to come home for Thanksgiving break and saw what I had really looked like. I didn't sleep and finally the drugs needed to be increased because my body was not staying focused and was having other issues with my heart I was having more panic attacks than I ever did in my entire life due to the fact it was consuming a shit ton of caffeine. I found out that I'm not supposed to be having that while taking these drugs that is why I was having issues. No wonder why people abuse this drug for studying you do nothing but work and educational reasons to cram in studying but I was told I can have heart problems here's how I found out! STORY TIME! I am sitting in a university lecture the lecture was anatomy and physiology nothing too crazy but, I had popped my meds and had drank a very large coffee. I was kind of anxious and shaky but nothing completely out of the normal... Then our professor showed a video of surgeons removing the blood brain barrier of a patient. That type of video never grossed me out, never made me flinch, I found it quite interesting and fascinating except that day... all the sudden I felt my eyes roll back in my head and my head go back. I had no control over it I was terrified, like I was gonna pass out right there! I snapped out of it and did this three or four times during the lecture and nobody noticed. My heart was racing and I was sweating and found out I was experiencing and overstimulation from an overdose on drugs. I am taking is a stimulant, Caffeine is a stimulant and then the video is stimulant or I'm assuming the final trigger because it made my heart rate go up so fast, too fast and my heart could not handle it. I said no the pop and coffee (I refuse to drink decaf because that's just sad brown water) but ended up dealing with withdrawals which after a week of hell I was ok again. I know I have to get a reassessment to get stronger medication now at 21 and still drink coffee but I'm much more careful of my consumption rates. I am also a drinker and here's a funny story. It was my birthday and the Nursing gala (fancy party my nursing school holds which sucked) so I decided to leave with some Newfoundlanders and go to a bar... first mistake a lightweight do not go with Newfoundlanders To bar second my ass should not be left unsupervised and third Pornstars are deadly and drinking 5-6 in under 1-2 hours not a good idea. my first time drinking in a bar by myself unsupervised... I almost tripped and threw myself down the long ass flight of stairs in a drunken stupor coming through the door at 3 AM of my landlords house (I rented a room). They had also been drinking so I tried quietly to get myself out of my dress and into bed... I then woke up and had a panic attack the next morning and was hung over for three days... I never been hung over my life let alone for three days and my friends were surprised I was still alive and hasn't thrown up yet (they where all drunk before the gala and all got very sick ha suckers lol) not only did I drink a very large amount of alcohol in a very short period of time for myself. I had also been on my medication and had to take my medication, as I had classes the next few days. The medication says do not drink alcohol while taking this because it will change the effects of alcohol. I.E I found out my metabolism is slow down and it takes longer for my body to burn it when I'm on my medication so instead of being hung over for one day with the continuation of my medication I prolonged my hangover by three days... That is my first and last time I will EVER do that!
when I'm not medicated I do not get drunk as fast and can drink the same amount and be "fine". I also will be on this medication probably for the rest of my life,  which was news that deviated me at the time because I didn't want to be on any pills and rely on a medication to make me "normal", this medication is also hard to come by and have a lot of barriers my brother cannot play sports while on it due to its affect and some job sites will not allow you to take the medication because it may be considered an narcotic (including my career). The longer I am on it, the more the medication needs to be increased because my body burns the medication faster. This medication I was on (that was short releasing I'm on a long release pill now) I would get hyper focussed for several hours and then it would stop. then the depression would hit because I was so focussed and so driven that I wouldn't sleep I would not eat, in 2019 I spent four days in a hyper focus I forgot to shower and I forgot to eat I did not realize I hadn't eaten until Day five at 3 AM and went and ate 2 jam sandwiches on the dark kitchen at 3:30am and by the time the medication wore off I crashed I had no energy all. All I wanted to do was sleep and I had to walk two hours to school at least a day but sometimes more. I got up from 5 AM till 11 PM and didn't sleep much maybe 2-3 hours a night and I fell because I didn't but I was so tired and mentally done (I had my mom in and out of the hospital and almost died I was being bullied and harassed by couple fellow students I had no real friends (I thought about hanging myself because I was just done with failing, done with The discrimination from a teacher and two students and lack of support but I hid everything that was a danger to me and powdered through I no longer deal with these thoughts). People act like popping a pill fixes all my problems that a pill cures my disabilities a pill helps with one part but doesn't solve any problems.