tales of a black sheep

The Winds of Change are Blowing... MAKE THEM STOP

Since we are all friends here, right? and this is a very welcoming space! I'm gonna be honest with ya, I do not handle or deal with change well... at all... whatsoever... I am the female version of Sheldon Copper and I relate to him in many ways. In 2018 I left my life and family to move to a new province and not gonna lie it is the worst love-hate relationship I have. My family is very controlling so I have the freedom over here but I am here by myself with no support. I'm a very open person and I have a tendency to over share and I was very open about my disabilities and that was when I realized the world was not. I moved to St.John's Newfoundland in 2018 trying to adjust to change was very difficult and to make matters worse I discovered people my age are fucking cruel to put it lightly... I called my mom crying every single day that I wanted to move the fuck back home I am a homebody I will always be a homebody and this shit wasn't working. I was fighting for adaptation rates struggling with a couple of my classes and then dealing with the fucking assholes EVERY SINGLE DAY. They were nasty for no damn reason, not one! The problem is I had nowhere to escape from them. You would think with the majority of them being from Nova Scotia and first year in University they be quite supportive, I was very wrong! It was A competition, drama, fighting bickering, arguing, opinionated bullshit! I try so very hard to be friends with people and I was bullied and harassed and made fun of and when I made a wrong, I admitted to it I apologized and moved on but they never let it go and every time something would come up they were bring it up... like listening to a fucking broken record and then I would snap and tell them to fuck off or shut the fuck up and to get over themselves but then I was painted as the bad guy. Then after a year of that mess I reapplied for a degree in nursing at Memorial University literally the night of the deadline was trying to pull it together. Several months later I got email you got excepted but there's a condition... you have to move to the other side of the island I moved to isolated butt fuck nowhere and I was torn. During finals I had made the most amazing group of friends a girl could ask for all males and I love them like my brothers, now I'm told that I have to leave them and sadly I did. I was torn because I called them and asked if there was a possibility for an opening in the two nursing schools at the campus I was already living in staying at I was also offered a job at that campus to be a resident assistant but they said it was *clears throat* A TWO TO THREE YEAR WAIT LIST FOR ME TO GET IN THERE?! So it was wait 2 to 3 years and hope for the best or go take the offering in butt fuck nowhere and I'm sitting here at my desk trying to study nursing in butt fuck nowhere. Then shit really hit the fan! Because I had a very few contacts in St. John's now I have none. this city is the most isolated I've ever been from social point of view. it's extremely hard to get out, to go see a doctor,  to go places like the store, or to do a leisure activity like, I don't know, go to the movies? cab prices and food prices are outrageous! Not to mention trying to fly in and out of here it's absolutely a nightmare... not only that I had to restart all over again new professors new campus new school new rules no friends no family and I'm living with two adult strangers with five cats (The living conditions were not the greatest my landlords fight a lot the cats distracted me and ruined my things constantly were constantly in my room and I am highly allergic but I had nowhere else to live, because I was at a late acceptance. The school could not House me in residence, and their solution was apartments that were thousands of dollars a month, Pay your own utilities, no furniture and we're driving distance from the school and I do not have a car.... oh and did I mention they found out I live at a province and they said well that is a you problem I had to figure it out. I never been to this part of the island I have been to St. John's only and I miss it terribly because there I felt like home it was near the water in the ocean I had easy access to things it was so much more than what I have now... Then COVID happened and I already very shitty situation got even shittier! Oh what a world, eh?