The World That Was Mine (Part I & II)

XXIX

"Did you hear anything?" Finley asked Tyler. I didn't look up at them.

"No. They won't tell me shit." He sounded aggravated. Understandably so too.

"Where's Logan?"

Tyler sighed, sitting down roughly in the chair next to me. "I don't know, Finn. I don't know."

"He was here when we came in, but was taking off down the hall before we could talk to him," Nolan said. We all nodded solemnly.

"Do you think she's okay?" Emma's squeaky voice sounded in the painfully quiet lobby.

Nolan held her a little tighter and kissed the top of her head. "Of course, Em. Of course, she'll be okay." He was lying of course. He had no idea if she was okay. None of us did. For all we know, she's already gone and they're just waiting to tell us. I think that's the worst part. The not knowing. I hate waiting. I've never been patient. I guess that's why I did what I did last night. I wanted to ask Izzy about everything, but I could wait until after, so I just blurted it out. And once it was out, there was no taking it back. So I did what I do best. Fucked everything up even more.

10 minutes later, Logan came into the waiting room, looking like he had been the one in the car wreck. His hair was a mess, his face was streaked with tears, and his eyes were bloodshot from crying. He looked at all of us, but when his eyes locked on me, they turned dark and hostile. "Logan did you-" Tyler didn't finish his question before Logan lunged at me, thankfully being caught just in time by Jace and Nolan.

"Let me fucking punch him!" He yelled, trying desperately to get away from the two of them. I stood up slowly and watched him in this savage state with wide eyes. "Let me fucking kill him!" He yelled. I didn't move. I couldn't. "This is your fucking fault, Liam! Your fault!" He was thrashing so harshly, it was a wonder the other two could hang on. "Our sister could be dead because of you!" All the eyes in the waiting room were turned to us, but no one seemed to care. "Fuck you, Liam! Fuck you!" His anger was quickly replaced with soul-crushing sobs as he fell to the floor, Nolan falling with him gently.

My heart was seizing out of my chest. I felt beyond sick. He blamed me. He blamed me for all of this. My heart was in my throat as I stumbled away from the scene and back through the front doors of the hospital. I fell to my knees on the damp grass. Bile rose from my stomach. I had never felt so violently ill. Never in my life had I felt like this. This was too much. I coughed as I tried to return some air to my lungs.

More illness. More violence. More guilt.

It felt like acid in my throat and on my tongue. After a few minutes, I managed to pick myself back up off the ground and make it to the stairs, falling back on the concrete with a heaving breath. Of all our family has been through, we've always managed to stick together. We've had our differences, but never anything like this. No one ever blamed each other. We trusted each other to the ends of the earth. But this was so different. This wasn't anything our family has been through before. This was so much worse. I heard the glass door squeak behind me. Finley sat down and handed me a few napkins.

"I think you need these," I muttered a thank you and took them, wiping the residue from around my mouth and the sweat from off my clammy forehead. The mid-October air felt nice against my face and arms. "I would say it's not your fault, but it kind of is," Finley muttered. I looked at him but didn't say anything. What was there to say? I either admit to this all being my fault or I pointlessly argue. I didn't want to do either one. "If you hadn't said that shit to Izzy last night, Logan wouldn't have taken her, and Teo and Izzy wouldn't have been in the car," I'm not sure if Finley was talking to me or not. All I knew was he was saying what I didn't want to hear. But I had no choice but to listen.