Unpredictable • cth

40

i know y'all missed me ;) enjoy...
TW mentions of suicidal actions

Ella

I am currently seated with my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around my body, leaning up against the heavy door of my fathers Range Rover. My head is pressed up against the window, my eyes wired shut not even trying to enjoy the ride ahead of me.

Mali is sitting in the backseat, doing her best to make conversation but the more she talks the more I feel like sobbing.

My father is driving steadily, no sunglasses in hopes that if I decide to open my eyes there is no barrier to hold back our emotions. He has one hand on the center console, the other on the wheel, every now and then giving my leg light taps to let me know he's there.

Sighs escaped his lips every know and then, though he was keeping the effort of speaking to his sister who really was trying her hardest. She's been through this time and time again with my father but at the end of the day it was her brother, not her dad.

I shouldn't act like this. I know I shouldn't but I genuinely cannot help myself. He's leaving and even if it's just for two weeks maybe three, he's still leaving. He's getting on a plane to go all the way up to the top of California and won't be back until the 25th and that's just for the day.

I only have my dad for a day until he leaves again. I guess on the bright side it's his birthday, but still it's only one day. He'll come home bright and early, spend the day with me and then leave at midnight to get to where he's needed next.

My eyes were still shut, my mind trying to make my body sleep but it was physically impossible. I wanted so badly just to be asleep when he left even if that sound selfish. If I was asleep I wouldn't have to watch him get on the goddamn plane, his back to me, walking away from his home.

But I couldn't sleep for 5 hours, because we still had an hour drive to they there and then 4 hours of waiting for him to go up to the edge of California.

I reluctantly flipped my body over so I was facing the drivers side, my fathers head snapping in my direction at my movements. Mali stopped talking to do the same, her eyes wide and curious as to what I was going. My eyes slowly fluttered open, which was rather hard because I had them practically bolted shut.

"Hey Els." My father spoke gingerly, his hand reaching over to rub a few small circles on my knee cap.

A small smile settling on his lips as his head turns constantly back and forth from the road to me. His hand continuing to place small pats and circles on my knee, his whole body language changing at my simple movement of facing him.

"Hi." I murmured under my breath, my eyes catching Mali's as she had a sad smile forced in my direction.

Everyone knew we took them leaving hard. When I say everyone, I mean everyone. The media has a field day when the four of us are leaving the airport, the cameras flashing and the headlines practically writing themselves.

'5SOS leaves heartbroken kids behind in LA.'
'5SOS doesn't really care about breaking their hearts'
'5SOS kids have mental breakdowns after plane takes off.'

And those are usually the nicer ones of the bunch. Even with extra security, back entrances, blacked out cars, and almost everything else, the media still gets our pictures and still bash our parents. It's sickening.

Though my father normally hated the ones about me the most because after my mom passed he looked like the worst person on the planet. He was leaving his baby girl alone, in a house, halfway across the country without her father and most definitely without her mother.