Scarlett

31 - Jackson

Jackson's POV:

There were times over the past few two weeks I honestly didn't know how I'd make it through the day, getting out of bed was a challenge and basic functions like showering and communicating with people were a down right chore.
The day he died I shut down, I pushed people away. Anyone that tried to offer me comfort, that offered a shoulder to cry on or any form of support I just slammed the door right in their face. Everyone but her.....
Yes, even after all this time - even after everything that has happened - it's still her.
I let her go, I walked away and gave her a life she deserved with a man that finally treated her the way she deserved to be treated. I moved on in my head, I bought a house and built a life with Shay - an absolutely remarkable woman who I loved the best way I knew how but there was a part of my heart that would always only ever belong to Scarlett, and she was the only one who I could stand to let near when I felt my world falling apart. That still hadn't changed.

I had been working myself up for today for awhile. If I had learnt anything recently it was the fact that this life was crazy short and completely unpredictable. It had taken me a very long time to get to this point - and now I was finally ready.
I love Scarlett - I knew it with everything I had, she was the woman I had been meant to spend my life with - but that wasn't an option anymore. I had spent far to long on the sidelines, far to long standing back and watch someone else be her husband, to love her and adore her. I had spent far to long watching them raise their family together - side by side.
That all stops today - I wasn't standing back any longer.

The warm water hit my shoulders as I stood in the shower. Every conversation I had had with my therapist recently played in my head. Session after session we had gone round and around this topic. We had visited every scenario - talked through every possible outcome, until I had been convinced I was ready for this.
It didn't mean I wasn't terrified, fuck - I was so nervous I could probably talk myself out of it but today was the day.

Lily had made all of us promise we would not skip out on Sunday brunches. This one thing was the small part she was desperate to hang on to. I played along, on my best behaviour - was polite and joined in on the conversation as we ate and drank coffee. It was a beautiful sight to see Lily smile - though it would fade slightly and I could see the tears well in her eyes when she would glance over to Hunters empty chair - almost as if she had forgotten he was no longer here and she had something she wanted to share with him. It was in that moment I knew I finally needed to do this.

Carson Cage held no emotion back when I asked Scarlett if we could talk - if the guy could kill me with a look I'd be six foot under now. He hated me with passion - even after all this time. And after today I had no doubt that hatred would grow even further.

Scarlett was quiet as we made our way into the den, she stood looking at the wall of family photos as I locked the door and made my way standing behind her. Her gaze was fixed on a picture of Hunter standing with Seb and holding a toddler Logan in his arms. All three of them were looking at the camera, smiles wide on their faces.

"Fuck I miss him, so god damn much"

Scar turned to face me - smiling softly.

"You don't think he's still here Jax?"

"You believe in that Scar??"

She nodded,

"You don't believe in that Jackson?"

I looked at the picture of the 3 of them again, Shaking my head.

"I don't really know what to believe"

I couldn't help but lean into her touch as her soft hand cupped my cheek, my hand finding her waist and holding tightly was still a reflex even now.

"I see him Jax, I see him every time I look at Logan, I hear his laugh in Seb and I hear his voice - I hear the way he speaks in you"

I watched her closely, her eyes never breaking from mine. Neither of us made a move to back away from the other - neither one of us made an attempt to pull our hands away.

"Scar" I whispered " I want to make him proud, I need to make him proud of me"

"You will Jackson, you have"

"No" I shook my head "I haven't" I stepped back, releasing my hold on her waist and taking her hand in mine "Scarlett - he was the greatest man I have ever known, the only father I have ever had and will ever need, but his greatest strength is my biggest weakness. The one thing I should've fought harder for, the one thing I hope I'm not to late to fix"

"Jackson" her voice was shaking, she knew where this was headed. She knew what I was about to say and she was terrified. I was about to throw her whole world on its head.

But this wasn't about me and Scarlett any more. Our time as done. This was much more important than just the two of us.
This time it was about Mya - my daughter - my only child and finally making her mine.