golden ; a draco malfoy fanfiction

seventeen

elodie phillips

Life felt different without him. It was empty, and he was the missing piece. I had gotten so used to seeing him every day. To hearing his voice, and seeing his smile. Everything that I loved about him went away with him.

Maybe if things ended differently, I'd be more at peace. Peace was the last word I'd use to describe myself. I didn't feel much.

Numb is the word that I'd pick. Sadness and anger came in waves. I find myself lashing out at my friends, even though I'd never do that. But he was gone. Cedric was gone.

My life was different now. I needed to adjust, but I can't even fathom the thought right now.

He was my whole world. My rising and falling sun. I would do anything to hug him one last time. To feel his warm lips collide against mine. I wanted nothing more than to see him one last time and tell him that I loved him.

Picturing the moment he walked away from me broke my head. I pushed him out. He told me he loved me, and I didn't reply. He died without even getting to hear me utter those words one more time.

The pain that filled his eyes killed me more than anything. I had never seen Cedric cry, but I could tell he crumbled right in front of me. I saw the light in his eyes that once shined so brightly go out. I lost him.

I lost him then, and now I lost him for real.

My sobs were full of so much pain. When would the pain stop? I used shirts and pillows in an attempt to muffle my sobs. The pain was too much. I wasn't ready for him to go. I wasn't ready.

Those excruciating sobs came in waves. The thought of him was enough to make me want to scream. I wish I grabbed his hand as he left my room. I wish I pulled him in close.

If I did, I don't know if I'd be able to take it. Knowing that that would be our last embrace might've crushed me the most.

It would be a weird feeling. Knowing that that was the last time I would ever feel his arms around me. My last time feeling the warmth radiate from his body radiated onto mine. My last time feeling his love.

Maybe if I had gotten to that letter sooner, things would be different. I could have stopped him before he entered that dreadful labyrinth. I could have convinced him to skip the task, to spend the day with me.

His laugh still rang in my ears. I could hear his voice make circles throughout my head.

"I love you, Ellie."

Sometimes I could have sworn he was right next to me. This paranoia made my days go by slower. Soon enough, everyday blended into the next. I barely put any effort into my end-of-the-year exams.

The school year was coming to a close. Everyone was so happy. How could they happy knowing that Cedric was gone?

Cedric was gone, yet I still believe that he just went away temporarily. Any minute now he'd knock on my bedroom door. Any minute now I'd pass him in the corridors.

I waited and waited, but he never knocked. He never came.

I stopped trying. I rarely got out of bed, and I stopped eating. My body was starting to thin at an alarming rate. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I didn't want to do anything to change it. I wished that I could lay there forever. Maybe one day I'd close my eyes, and when I opened them I'd see Cedric laying right beside me. That's how it was supposed to be.

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17. I'm currently going through a breakup and it'll take a while for me to heal. Therefore, updates may be more scattered.

This chapter was short, but I think it is critical to understand Ellie's feelings.

Questions for the author?

QOTD: how are you (really)?