Pure Belleza | ✔️

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Bernie and I were shooting and uploading our first Instagram post dedicated to self love and acceptance.

To start us off, I was the model, a position I'd been nervous to accept because of how it might feel to fall back into a role that held such negative memories for me.

Fortunately, the shoot was casual. We were at Bernie's house in Philadelphia, I was pacing the sidewalk outside of her cute little aesthetic house while she snapped photos and we talked.

Bernie made me a pale blue summer suit. The shorts were high waist and the blazer had short sleeves. Underneath was a white lace crop top which did nothing to hide my nipples.

But that was part of the jig. Free the nipple. It'd been my idea to create something a bit more daring, something that allowed me to feel some control over what people saw of me.

Choice made all the difference.

I balanced on the curb, reaching up and grabbing a leaf off the tree as I walked.

"We need a name for this campaign," Bernie said, the shutter button going off on her phone every few seconds.

She was perched on her front door step, the awning shaded her from afternoon sun.

"It'll be hard to come up with something unique," I mused. "Something no one's used before."

"Mmm. How often are we doing this too? Because I need at least a week to come up with new outfits."

"Is that it?" I asked, looking straight at her when she snapped a photo. "We could do it every two weeks if that makes it easier. Once a month even."

"Every two weeks could work," she said, standing up and shooting from different angles. "We should get a few models lined up in advance too. I feel like this campaign will be a game changer. Custom outfits, diversity, stories. It'll be incredible. Nattie wants to be a model."

"So she should be," I said. "She's a warrior. Considering her age, she's overcome so much."

"I know," Bernie said, smiling to herself. "I'm thinking about doing her an off the shoulder gown with a corset in the torso and a thigh slit up the leg. It has to be jewel tones. An emerald would suit her skin tone so well."

"Sounds like a ball dress," I thought aloud.

"Yeah, I want to showcase my range," Bernie explained, taking a break to swipe through the photos she'd captured. "I can do casual clothes, street wear, wedding, ball, the whole lot."

"You're the boss," I said, shredding a leaf between my fingers. "I like that idea. It shows people what you have to offer."

"These photos are perfect," she said. "You're gorgeous. The nipple is subtle enough for Instagram but loud enough to make a statement."

"Can I have a look?"

She handed me the phone and I swiped through the candid photos. Candid to an extent. The outfit was beautiful and my hair was blowing out behind me in waves. The shorts stretched on my hips and I zoomed in, looking at the pull.

This was the heaviest I'd been since I left rehab and although I was being health conscious and sensible with my eating choices, the size of my legs made my stomach turn a little.