Anger and sadness

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di anakinren

di anakinren

Shane P.O.V.

"Are you ready?" Tj asked. I wiped my eyes and nodded. We made it to the chapel and seen AA and ETF. I greeted everyone and everyone gave me their sympathy. I walked inside with Tj and we went to the church part of the chapel. I noticed Ej's little casket. I pulled out a black sharpie. I wiped my eyes and walked up to her casket. I took the cap off of the marker and I wrote Ej's name on the casket in real big and pretty letters. Tj looked shocked. "What are you doing?" Tj asked. "Her casket looks plain. She hated things plain." I said. He smiled sadly at me. I finished and went o put the cap back on the marker when Tj took the marker an wrote 'daddy's princess' on the casket. I let a few more tears fall. AA couldn't hold them selfs together. Danny took the marker and wrote 'Danny's little British angel', Ben wrote 'bens little love', Cameron wrote 'cam's babe(;'( I laughed), James wrote 'my pizza', and sam wrote 'my forever, your always'. ETF came up and wrote things on her casket as well. I looked at the art covered casket and smiled. I kissed the casket and it left my lipstick on it. I felt a tear slip. They talked and people said things about her and stuff then we went to up her in the ground. Tj was head casket bearer and they put her on the thing that lowers the casket in the ground. I stop there and Tj was next to me. The priest said some things before they started to lower her into the ground. "No...please stop. My baby..." I cried hysterically again. I started to fall to my knees before Craig picked me up and carried me away. Tj stood there watching the casket lower farther. "No!! I want my baby!!" I screamed. Craig soothed my hair as we made it to his car. He set me on the trunk. He wrapped his arms around me While I cried and beat his chest "no! No! Noooo!" I cried. "Please stop. Please...I know it's hard...please hold it together for Ej." Craig croaked. He was crying too. I looked at him and he looked at me. "I love you shane...please stop...you need to pull through." He said. I nodded and he wiped my eyes. "Babe." Tj called out. I looked over and he was walking over to us. He came up to me and hugged me. "I want my little girl back." I said. "I know! I want her back too! Stop acting like she's only your kid!" He shouted. I looked at him shocked. "She didn't mean it like that bro!" Ben said while getting in between me and Tj. "Then what did she mean?" Tj said. I felt more tears come on. "I can't do this..." I Said and I got off the Craig's car an walked away. Ben caught up to me and he pulled me to his car. He got in and I followed suit. He drove off and I rolled down the window and let the wind dry my tears away. We pulled in to his house. His wife's car wasn't there. "Where's sam's car?" I asked. "She left me." He said. "What? Why? I'm so sorry." I said and hugged him. "She found someone else..." He said. I tightened my arms around him. "Come on. Let's go inside." He said. We pulled apart and got out. We went inside his house and I got some water. "Let's watch a movie." Ben said. I nodded and sat down in his living room. He put on a movie and pressed play. I realized it was a home movie of Ej's 3rd birthday. Ben and Ej were swimming while i videotaped. I forgot about this video. Ben came in the living room with wine and some glasses. He poured some wine and handed me a glass. I drank a sip and watched the movie. We were watching Ej blow out her candles when Ben paused the movie. I looked at him and he had a weird look in his eyes. "Tj doesn't deserve you." He said. "No, I don't deserve life. Tj can live happy with georgette and forget about me. But as long as he lives, he will love and remember Ej." I said. "Are you guys broken up now? Because of what he said?" Ben questioned. "He thinks I'm selfish! Of course we are over! If he really loved me he would be looking for me or something, comforting me with love because we lost our daughter today..." I said as tears pricked my eyes. Just then my phone buzzed. I looked at it to see Craig had messaged me.

Craig~ what are you doing an where are you?

Me~ at bens and watching a video. Why?

Craig~ I'm out front.

I got up and walked outside. Craig walked up to me and handed me his phone. Tj posted a picture on twitter and he was with georgette. They were at a bar ~at least someone isn't selfish~ was the caption. I gave Craig his phone back. I walked away. I walked to my house and I went inside. I looked around. I picked up a vase and I threw it at the wall. I screamed while it shattered. I picked up anything and threw it. I trashed my living room and kitchen. I went upstairs to my room and pushed my nightstand over and I pulled out all of the drawers in my dresser. I went to my bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I had eyeliner and mascara All over my face along with red lipstick. To be honest, I looked like the album cover of 'dying is your latest fashion'
I felt so much anger and sadness that I punched my mirror. It shatter and cut my hand and wrist. I kept smashing the glass with my hands. Blood was everywhere. "Shane?" Someone called out. I just ignored them and kept smashing with my hands. The bathroom door flung open to reveal Chris motionless and Ricky horror. What were they doing here? I haven't see them in years. Since before Tj was kicked out of MIW. "Oh my god! Shane stop!" Ricky said and grabbed my hands. He pulled me to my room. "What do you want? Why are you here? I haven't seen you in years..." I said. "We seen Tj after your daughters funeral. We wanted to give our condolences. We asked him for your address because you were already gone." Ricky said. "I missed you guys." I said. "We missed you too. Hey, I have an Idea to get your mind off everything." Chris said. I looked at him as he patched up my hands. "What is it?" I asked. "Come on warped tour with us." He said. I looked at him. "Yeah. Sounds fun. Maybe I can get away." I said. Ricky smiled brightly. "So it's official. Your coming on tour with motionless in white!" Ricky said.