{completed}
He gave his word with the sunrise, but as night unfolded, she slipped away into the dusk's embrace.
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•Formerly known as Before Knell
• First draft in December 2020
#1 in myeloma
#1 in adaptive
Word count: 30000+...
Skydiving felt like willingly surrendering to the whims of the gusty wind, like a dance with uncertainty where the ground below became an abstract canvas waiting to catch your free descent.
I felt like if I went high enough into the open theater of the blue sky, I'd descend after seeing the end of the world and go back with the secret of the universe lying within the grasp of my tiny hands.
The drive back to my house was silent. Without even turning to confirm if it was true, I knew. I could feel my mom's intermittent glances at me. She didn't even say anything about my hair. Like she'd vowed to herself not to say anything to me.
As we got home, Gianna was busy with the online classes mom signed her up for since she couldn't go to school anymore and was under management for the meantime. As mom dragged the IV pole up the stairs and towards my room, she still kept to herself.
I balanced on the chair and took off my sweater. She took a look at my port and disinfected it before pulling out the medicine from her store carton. As soon as she infused the medicine in, I could feel the veins on my face popping out to the pain.
"Mom, my bones hurt." I told her.
"They would." She simply responded.
She packed up and controlled the drip solution before heading towards the door. The sigh that she let out confirmed to me that she definitely had things she wanted to say. You could tell from the way she refused to meet my gaze that she was angry.
She headed towards the door and only stopped halfway and then turned to me with an exhale.
"Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe that your attitude towards your condition is why it feels like the chemo isn't working?" She asked me, dropping the carton and folding her arms across.
"You don't think that I love to be the one in this position, do you?" I questioned her as well.
"Don't do that Raine. Even a stranger can tell that you've given up on yourself." she threw out her hands in the air in frustration.
"Mom, I am not Gianna, you know very well that you didn't find me stage one." I responded.
"You know who else we didn't find stage one? Your Dad! And guess what? He fought until the very end."
"And even though he held onto the world tenaciously. It still didn't keep him away from the death that took him."
"Do you maybe not care about yourself? Think about Gianna, your friends from school? Your aunt Kate? Think about me Raine."
"Mom—"
"Hold that thought in your mind, because if you don't know I'll tell you. You're being selfish, that's what you're doing."
"What exactly am I supposed to do, Ma?" I asked her.
"Fight. For goodness sake, embrace your condition and fight. Do not push people away because you've given up on yourself."
She picked up the bag and looked at me one last time before heading out the door and saying,
"I really hope you'll listen to me."
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