Dusk & Dawn

12- no, not Gianna

As I walked towards where my mom's office was, I remembered Dad keeping all the pain to himself. I remembered him telling me to go out sometime, I remember him telling me that cancer took away his life. I remember him telling me that we only had one chance at life, he wasted his trying to fight something he knew he couldn't survive.

Why was Gianna's drip bag containing the drugs I used for my chemo sessions?

Those were the thoughts that crossed my mind as I walked out of the room, finding Ezra by the door.

"Please, stay with her." I asked him and he nodded as patted my back slightly.

Someone definitely needed to explain what was going on. I reached out to mom's office door which was slightly left open. I peeped in to see Mom on her seat, arms on table with her head dug in both hands making her hair fall to her face.

A short haired lady was holding tightly to a couple of white office papers and by the time I looked carefully, it was my aunt Kate pacing around the room, restless. While another doctor in hospital scrubs like my mom only stared at the scene unfolding as he crossed his arms.

"This doesn't make any sense," aunt Kate waved the documents in her hand before starting to look at them all over again.

"What am I going to do? What the hell am I supposed to do now?" Mom yelled as she cried and sniffled consecutively.

"Valerie, fortunately, we found Gianna's cancer at a very early stage, and the tumor is entirely removable. With prompt intervention and treatment, the prognosis is optimistic you know that," the doctor advised and my body grew limp right on that spot. I suddenly became cold as the shiver travelled down my spine.

"We can proceed with surgery to completely remove the cancer, followed by a comprehensive treatment plan. Her success rate is very high, we shouldn't miss that opportunity." He explained further.

The tears filled in my eyes in no time as I held tightly into the chest as a throbbing ache formed. Once I found mom's face, I broke into a silent sob as I turned away from her office, covering my mouth with my palm to suppress the screams as I made my way for the ward.

As I got back to Gianna's ward with Ezra sitting right in front, he stood up to collect me, and I crashed in his arms, beads of sweat forming on my forehead. I couldn't sink in the information, I couldn't process it.

He patted my back continuously as he asked, "are you okay?"

"I'm not okay," I shook my head, crying more. "I'm far from okay."

"Your sister is going to be fine, Raine." He continued patting me, his gentle voice making me want to believe what he said.

"You don't know that."

Ezra held me as took me to the seat where he was sitting before and helped me sit down. I shook my head continuously while he held onto my hands, confused as to what was going on.

No, not Gianna

No, not Gianna

No, Not Gianna.

By evening time, I had asked Ezra that he could go back to school and check back sometimes later and after much persistence, he finally gave in.

As we drove home, Gianna was fast asleep on my legs as I caressed her hair staring right between my mom and aunt Kate who was driving. I wondered why mom chose not to tell me the truth. I wondered why she thought it was okay if I didn't knew which was why she told me it was just a minor issue that would be solved soon. Didn't she realize? That it was something I needed to know.

Once we put her down on the bed, aunt Kate asked me to come down for dinner and I only nodded as response, taking a look at Gianna's pretty face as she slept.

I crossed my arms as I watched her, finding my father's features on her face. She was the spitting image of him.
Right there I concluded, that if Gianna asked me for my life, I would gladly give it to her.

I went downstairs to go meet Mom and Aunt Kate in the kitchen.As I entered, none of them noticed me because Mom was lost in her own reverie as she stabbed the plate of food in front of her while aunt Kate seemed to be busy looking up some things on the internet.

I cleared my throat to get their attention. I took a deep breath and continued as they both looked up to me.

"Mom, Aunt Kate, there's something we have to talk about," I announced, my gaze directly fixed on Mom. She looked up from her plate of food and locked gazes with me as she replied almost immediately.

"Raine, it's a school night. You have to rest for classes tomorrow," even though her choice of words weren't harsh, she sounded so upset already.

"I can't sleep knowing it Mom, I swear." I answered her.

She was about to give another hasty reply when aunt Kate walked up to her and tapped her shoulders. She then sighed and looked back to me.

"I know about Gianna," I announced again, as I approached the table crossing my arms.

"What exactly is she talking about?" She turned to aunt Kate and then rolled eyes as she threw me a look of exasperation.

"I know she has myeloma too," I replied, my voice a little above a whisper. Aunt Kate's eyes widened while Mom just chuckled as she pointed a finger to her head as if to think.

"I am not having this conversation with you," she finally shook her head and spoke as calm as ever as if she had no energy to yell this time. She got down from the stool and brushed her way past me.

"That's always your solution to every problem—," I started to speak before cautioning myself to stop.

"Excuse me?" she turned back to me

"Trying to keep all of the pains to yourself, you aren't Dad, you don't have to try to be him," I started to talk again as I walked towards her so that we're close enough.

"You don't understand what's going on, do you?" She asked me with a scoff.

"Gianna needs to be treated immediately Ma, that's what I understand. That's what I want to understand." I replied her.

"You clearly do not understand any of what's going on." She only said before turning away and walking upstairs with aunt Kate patting me before going with her.

My heart ached a lot as I cried even harder. I slumped on the couch and cried some more. I didn't even realize when a deep slumber overwhelmed me and took me on a journey to the next morning.

Nov 15th