Symphony (Brett x Eddy)

Chapter 19 - thoughts and feelings

(b.y)

"Ok, I'll show it to you. But you are the first person that I'm showing this of my own free will."

"Eddy hasn't seen?"

"No. They discovered at the hospital, but I begged them not to tell him. They could do it cause I'm an adult and... yea." Brett rolled up his sleeves.

"Oh."

"Looks scary, right?"

"Yea... When did you do all of this?"

"Some about a month ago, some this week, fresh, barely dried up." Brett was saying about hurting himself like it was a normal thing, daily basis.

"You know that it is not normal thing to do?"

Brett shrugged. "It depends on your definition of normal."

"You know what I mean. It isn't good for you."

"It's not supposed to be good." Brett laughed. "And I'm not going to promise you that I will stop it. If I really have fucking depression, let me act like I really had one."

"It's not about letting you act like you want when your brain is not healthy."

"You're annoying me."

"Psychologists are known to be annoying. "

"And there is a reason for it."

"Brett, try to talk to someone when you feels like hurting yourself next time. It can be anyone."

"Sure, anyone. When noone knows about it, it truly can be anyone."

"You can call me. Anytime. You got my number."

"No offence, but I won't. If I feel like cutting my veins and watching my blood dripping on the floor or anywhere I'll just make it happen."

"You're not making it easier."

"Why would I? It's your job to deal with difficult people, isn't it? Use your diploma or whatever you have."

"You really aren't helping me."

Brett smirked.

"So if you don't want to do it, do it for Eddy. You think he would be happy knowing that you keep hurting yourself?"

"This is why I haven't told him, right?"

"And what if he finds out? You thought about it? And you won't be able to tell him that you nad finished with it."

"I don't know... Actually I just hope that he won't find out."

"But you two live together. It will happen sooner or later. You said you loved him, right? You don't anymore?"

"No... I do, but..." Brett blushed. "You can't keep saying things like that. That's not fair!"

"Why? I'm just using my diploma."

"Very funny."

"Okay, now seriously. What about this love of yours?"

"About Eddy?"

"Yes, about Eddy. And your feelings for him."

"What for? He doesn't love me anyway."

"How would you know?"

"I would have noticed."

"So he noticed it too."

"No. He hasn't."

"What if he has?"

Brett shrugged.

"You know each other for years, don't you? And if you think that you would notice if he had any feelings for you, why he wouldn't ? Even if you're trying to hide it, for someone who knows you as well as Eddy, it wouldn't be hard to notice."

"What are you trying to bring up?"

"What are you going to do about you and Eddy?"

"Oh my god, nothing. What can I do?"

"Talk with him."

"No, I won't. I'm not going to ruin years of our friendship. I'm not that selfish."

"It's not selfish. It's honest. Think about it."

"Really? What do you think, what else I think about  all the time? If not about how pleasant it is to feel blood escaping from you or about how pitiful I am or just about ending with myself? Actually these are all my thoughts if you wanna know. How lamentable. "

Brett's phone buzzed.

"It's Eddy."

"Oh, we ran out of time a while ago."

"Yea... How many this sessions  left? "

"Five, I think."

"Oh my god. It's gonna deppress me even more."

"I hope that it won't. "

"..."

"Come on, cheer up. Smile to your love, he's waiting for you."

"How am I supposed to cheer up after one hour talking about cutting veins and unrequited love?"

"Brett, you are impossible."

Brett chuckled. "Bye"

"Bye, bye. Take care Brett."

"Sure, sure, miss psychologist."

"I told you."

"Sure, sure, Sophie."

"You really can't wait to see him."

"Is it bad?"

"Of course not. Go to him."

Eddy was there. Waiting for him. And looking stunning as always. He was wearing the high neck practice t-shirt and basic black jeans, but he looked just perfect. Brett thought that his glasses looked more gold in comparison to this whole black outfit.

"Hey Brett" and this voice, he would sacrifice his whole life for this voice.

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

"Normal I think." Brett shrugged.

"What were you talking about?"

"Nothing interesting." Brett pulled sleeves of his hoodie to make sure that they were covering his wrists. 

"Really? I'm just curious, you know. If you don't want to tell me it's fine."

"I guess I don't want to."

"Ok. ... Soooo, what about some bubble tea to make this day better?"

"Oh yea, I'm in!"

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Slightly different chapter from others, but this is all about Brett's feelings, so I had to write it. 
Thanks for reading (:
Sys <3333