I'm at War with Myself

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For nearly a year
Essentially been feeling like
I'm at war with myself
Dealing with severe depression and anxiety
Has knocked me out of sync

2021 has done nothing yet
To repair anything
Not returning to school yet
No medication that helps
Have barely left my bed
Since my grandfather's death

One side says
"Bed is warm and comfortable, postpone it all!"
The other side argues vehemently
"I want to be part of the world, I belong out there!"
Left, right, but left has won most times
Though it needs to sit down and shut up!

How? How do I break through this wall and re-emerge?
Part of the world
Can't even get my damn nails done
Let alone return to school
The war is internal
The battle very real

I have come off of all antidepressants
For the first time in 14 years
Want to see how my body deals without the chemicals
But this war within self
Causes tears, frustration, anger, annoyance

I'm not a quitter
I've been through too much
I'm still a warrior
It may not seem like that to myself
But this war, the wall must break
The boundary collapse

I need to escape into the world
With nothing holding me back ever again!

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