➵ homeland odes

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The mist of the early-rising sun strikes the tendrils of the cat's thick fur as she stares out into it. The flower from Gimli, now old and wilted like molten wax, still sits on the ground by the stone wall. She likes it there and will keep it for as long as she sees fit.

Some days like this, when there's a thickness to the air and when the sunlight hits the edges of the foliage at the perfect angle, Ulvinowyn is reminded of the deep jungle forest back home. Though here it is a cold fog and her birthplace houses only hot forest steam, it looks so similar in the very early morn that sometimes she forgets she has ever left.

She does not regret coming. The ground kisses the toes of her feet as they sink into it, the rich black soil sighing beneath her weight. She feels comfortable with these new acquaintances in this soothing land and her chest feels light and opportunistic on these long, soft grasses. But it is also true that never before has she more severely missed her home.

Every cool breath makes her miss the warm ones of her own quarters. Every walk makes her remember running and every rabbit reminds her of her evening hunts through the thick redwood trees that would squeak if you got too close for their comfort. She misses it like Legolas misses Aragorn; like Gimli misses war.

In many ways missing a person is exactly like missing a home. Sometimes there is no difference at all. She understands that some are tethered to a presence rather than a place, so she understands the grief of her new friends just like she understands her own.

The difference is that home is a place she can always come back to. She knows this for certain, without question. But a person who is gone can not be recovered, so she feels for the elf most of all. She would feel almost guilty to be reunited with what she misses when Legolas cannot be, although she knows she must separate this guilt from herself. Death is something she can't control. Life is something she must not live for others.

She supposes she shall return home one day. She hopes that before then the elf will find a shell, so that she may feel just a little lighter about it all.

She also hopes that Gimli might return with her, so that they may exchange flowers until both of their passings. She would like that very much. And so would he.

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