What We Once Were

Five Years Ago...

Eighteen year old Bridget happily strode down the sidewalk. She had graduated from Woodland High about a month ago and at the end of August she would be attending N.Y.U., her dream school since she'd been thirteen years old. She was ready to finally get away from her hometown, graduate with a journalism major and live in the greatest city in the world. She was finally one step closer to the life she had been dreaming about for years, she was one step closer to her happiness.

Walking down the path with a cheerful grin on her face, she was going to meet Greyson一her boyfriend of three years一by the Whispering River this afternoon at 3:00. Her smile faded as she recalled how he'd sounded on the phone earlier this morning. His tone was dull, not upbeat like he normally was around her. He sounded like he had something on his mind, she could hear it in his voice. She tried not to give into her rising suspicions that he was dreading something she didn't know about yet.

Bridget had been uneasy all day and his strange phone call certainly hadn't calmed her down. She had some news for him too.

She thought back to two days ago when she'd curled up on the bathroom floor and sobbed as she held the positive pregnancy test in her hand. She was eighteen, she could hardly take care of herself, she was supposed to go off to college and live her life and enjoy what most referred to as the best years of her life. This was supposed to happen later in her life. Not now. Now was too early. How could she care for a baby when she had college starting in two months? How could she expect to live the best years of her life with a baby?  

Bridget stopped by the water and took a few deep breaths to regain control of her racing thoughts. Greyson had always been her rock. He could always calm her down when she felt like she was spiraling out of control. All it would take would be one smile and she'd run into his arms and stay there until her hysteria would slowly ooze out of her as she found comfort and sanctuary in his embrace. She would focus on his heartbeat in his chest and he would tell her that everything would be okay and that he was always going to be there for her.

Bridget wiped the tears from her eyes, no. Not now, just hold it inside for just a little longer. She paced back and forth on the bank of the river, near their favorite spot with the fallen tree from the storm nearly a decade ago. The pebbles on the shore crunched beneath her feet as her shoes shuffled over them. She turned and gazed at the fallen oak tree and concentrated on the sound of the river flowing through the hot July afternoon. 

Taking a deep breath and unclenching her fists, she hoped he would take the news well...or as well as someone could in their situation. She knew a baby was a huge bomb to drop on him but she knew she had to keep it. Regardless of what happened between them today, she was keeping this baby. She knew that she couldn't go through with getting rid of it. Bridget rested her hands on her stomach, even though she hadn't even seen her baby yet, she felt attached to it and knew that she could never part with him or her. 

A rising spell of anxiety swept over her, and Bridget tensed again. What if I'm unfit to care for my baby? What if I'm a terrible mother, what if I turn out to be just like my mother? Bridget dismissed the thought, she still hadn't told her mom, Alex about this yet. Although she wasn't particularly close with her mom, hiding this from her had been killing her. Bridget had felt even more like a stranger around her mom for the last two days than she normally did. She hoped that maybe this time, Alex would want to help her and show her compassion. But Bridget had the sinking feeling that what she was wishing for was too much to ask.

Being her mother's only child, Bridget was raised by an emotionally distant parent who seemed to have no regard for empathy. Alex expected nothing but perfection from Bridget in her school, work, career and life choices. All her life, Bridget had been taught that in order to be happy and be better off than her mother, she had to get into a good college, live in a place where she felt comfortable, get a well paying job and live in a nice house. Bridget had fantasized about this for years, she could hardly wait till she made more money and lived in a nicer house than the one she grew up in. She was so close, so close to achieving the happiness she'd been taught to strive for but then this threw her off track.