Listen to the Water | FULL SERIES | Wattys 2022 Shortlist | ✔

(29) Lockdown

Am I hurt?

When my muscles obey me again, I set my dagger down. My other hand is still locked in Taiki's, and he's frighteningly still. I hold my palm up by his neck until the eddy of his breathing brushes my fingers. Still alive, at least. I free my other hand, too, and slip it around his back, guiding him down to lie on the floor. He doesn't stir.

Moving my dagger to a ledge I can grab it from more easily, I pull my tail up and pat it down. There's bruising where the octopus gripped me, and I've lost several scales. The patches they were torn from are raw and sensitive, and blood still leaks from the edge of the worst ones. No wonder Taiki had to cover our scent.

Each of my upper fins is fine. The final one is numb. I nearly pass out as I run a hand down it. It's ripped, a great tear into one side of the fork nearly taking that side right off. The thick ridge of its leading edge is the only thing still connecting it to my body. I lie back with a hand over my face, breathing deeply against the spinning sensation that grips my head and threatens to rob me of my consciousness. I am tougher than this. I've seen worse.

The fin is bleeding less than my lost scales, Rashi be blessed. At least I won't bleed out before Taiki wakes up, though with the state he's in now, I doubt he'll be using the healing song anytime soon. I wish I was back on Telu. I would know what plants to use there to stitch myself up. There are urchins on the rocks outside that I could steal a spine from for a needle, but I don't know what I'd use as thread.

I check on Taiki again. No, I can't count on him for this one. I'm going to have to do this myself.

Shaking harder than I realized, I retrieve my dagger and creep to the mouth of the cave. The slope outside is devoid of motion, but I can't shake the feeling that there's a Kel sitting right overhead, waiting for me to show myself. I pull back. There I stay until the continued stillness eases my pounding heart. At last, I dare to sneak out and look.

The slope is well and truly empty. I send a quick prayer of thanks to Rashi, whether his reach extends down here or not. Then I turn my eyes to the rocks. There's nothing thread-like to be found, and I'm starting to wonder if some kind of glue will be a safer bet for this injury anyway. I'd use resin if I were home. But there's no sign of that, either. I don't even know where to start looking. My helplessness closes down on me, making my face heat with shame. I'm useless in the ocean. I can't even look after myself without the help of a Kel who continues to save my life even as I treat him like the dirt beneath a jungle fowl's backside. I have to try.

My trying comes to nothing. I manage only to loosen my ripped tail further, until I'm so scared of losing it, I pull myself back to the cave with my hands. I find Taiki curled up against the back wall. Rashi help me, he's pale. His eyes are still closed and he's hugging himself, fingers digging into his skin so hard, they're already leaving bruises. He's shaking.

"Taiki?" I sign, daring to light my hand-lights.

Is he hurt? Please don't let him be hurt. I can't even heal myself, let alone the two of us. I reach out and tap his tail. He doesn't startle. He always startles. I scooch closer. When I can reach his shoulder, I shake that instead, then grip it, hoping the pressure will bring him around. I pat his cheek. Nothing makes any difference. His body is frozen, his breathing shallow and irregular, like there's something wrapped around his chest.

I force myself to look him over. He tenses up even further when I pull him gently to the side, but he's semiconscious at best, or locked in some mental state that the real world can't access. I don't find any injuries. I try to pry his hands off his arms—he's nearly drawing blood—but it's like wrestling with carved wood. I don't know how to deal with this kind of reaction. I've never seen someone in a state like this. My hands hover for lack of knowing what to do, until I take the only option I can think of and retreat to the cave entrance to keep watch. I want this to end. It's scaring me.