ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴘᴏᴇᴍ | ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ { ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ }

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Title: The Golden Casket

Author: hana_imagines

Title: (4/5)

Cover: (4/5)

Description: (8/10)

Plot: (18/20)

Characters/Emotions: (18/20)

Writing Style: (13/15)

Grammar: (6/10)

Enjoyment: (4/5)

Total: (75/90)

Review:

First off, the title was unique. But I'm not sure what it means for the story yet. The cover was alright but I felt you could've been more creative with it. Also, I couldn't really read the small text you had above the title. Your description was pretty good. I like that you gave the readers a sneak peek of the plot and left a little mystery. Good job on that.

I wasn't too sure at first, but the plot is really interesting. I like how you didn't just go for a mafia au. I think you have good character development with Hannah, and I'm interested in finding out about her past. Just as in the description, you leave the readers with a little mystery which makes us want to keep reading.

For the most part, your writing was okay. But there were definitely some grammar errors I noticed. I'm going to give you examples and how I would fix them.

From chapter two,

Original Ver:

[ I am sorry hyung. I was careful. We checked the whole area and everything was da** perfect. I just freaking don't know how she popped up in the basement", Soobin defended himself and I gritted my teeth in annoyance. The dumba** put our identity at stake and now, he is defending himself. I wonder if his brain becomes as thick as pig sh** at times. ]

Edited Ver:

[ "I'm sorry Hyung, but I was careful. We checked the whole area and everything was da** perfect. I just don't freaking know how she popped up in the basement," Soobin defended himself, causing me to grit my teeth in annoyance.

The dumba** put our identity at stake and now he was defending himself. Sometimes I wondered if his brain became as thick as pig sh**. ]

So one thing I really wanted you to notice was how I closed the quotations. You're supposed to put the comma before closing with that quotation mark instead of after. You've made this error throughout the whole story, so I thought I should point it out. Another thing I wanted to point out was that when you wrote, you switched between tenses. This is a common mistake, but it's best for you to just write in one tense. When I rewrote it, I just stuck with the past tense.

The next example is from chapter six,

Original Ver:

[ "Why do I need training? What are your intentions?", I asked as I was walking behind them. I am already annoyed by the fact that I was close arrested by these underground mafia men. Yes, I am guessing them to be an underground mafia. ]

Edited Ver:

[ "Why do I need training? What are your intentions?" I asked as I walked behind them. I was already annoyed with the fact that I was being held hostage by these underground mafia men. Yes, I was assuming they were an underground mafia. ]

In the case where a quote ends with a question mark, you don't need to put in the comma. Again, I wrote in the past tense and I reworded some things to make it more clear for the readers.

These were the major errors I found throughout the story. I would definitely recommend going back and editing a bit. But this is just a suggestion, you don't have to change anything unless you want to.

I hope my examples were helpful. Despite the grammar errors, I found this story really interesting and I really liked the plot. Thank you for letting me review your book author-nim!

Please remember to leave a comment so I know you saw this!

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Until the next review, my lovely writers ^-^