8 nights in hell [Billie Eilish]

NIGHT II.3: thanks for checking in

• pov: Billie •

It was late when I pulled up my hood and left the hotel room.

I was still thinking about the moment with Mara after the show. We had become closer over the last few weeks but only up to a certain point. It was exactly how I would have preferred it to be but when I thought it over I realized that she was closing herself off lately.
I gave up after waiting in my room for a while. There was no point in sitting around stubbornly when I could not let her feel that I was annoyed with her.

Somebody should've warned me that women are this complicated, I thought as I stepped into the elevator. I hoped that no other guests would get in. My chances to be left alone were good at this hour.

'Like always' we had agreed which meant texting each other our room number after checking into the hotel. Who ended up going to the other's room was pretty random. There were no rules; kind of the point of having no strings attached.

After leaving the elevator I quickly found the door with the room number Mara had texted me. I knocked and waited.
That there were no rules to this was false. There were. If my rule was to keep anything between us a secret than hers was making sure neither of us ever stayed the night.

When she opened the door I forgot that I was half annoyed with her. She looked exhausted in the yellow light coming in from the hallway. There was something else that was off about her but I could not put my finger on it.
Her eyes took me in like I was a ghost. There was no smile this time, just an audible exhale of relief as soon as she saw me.

"Mom gave me leftover food from the buffet at the venue." I held up the plastic bag I had brought with me. "I thought you'd want it."

Mara looked blankly at the food I was offering. Sometimes she forgot to eat when she was working too much.

"Maybe later." After glancing down the hallway behind me, she stepped aside to let me in.

Other than one bedside lamp it was dark in her room. The sheets on one side of the bed were messy, everything else was untouched. For obvious reasons her rooms were smaller than the sometimes extravagant suits I was put into but that was why I often preferred them.

When I turned around Mara was still gripping the door handle like she needed it for support.

"Can I just, like..." She let go of the door and tried again, "Can I hug you for a sec?"

"Uhm, sure," I was a little confused but opened my arms nonetheless. "Come here."

In three quick steps she had crossed the distance between us and pulled me into a hug. She hid her face in my shoulder.
I wondered if something had happed today but the only thing I could think of was that her dad had called and somehow upset her.

A sort of shiver went through her entire body before she mumbled into my hoodie, "You're ok."

"Uh..." Whatever had been going on with her after the show was worse now. This was not exactly how our meetings usually started out. "Yeah, of course I am."

Mara did not respond other than hugging me so tight she pulled me on my tiptoes.

"Babe, what's wrong?" I asked quietly and rubbed my hand over her back. Her whole body tensed up. Abruptly I was sat back down to the heels of my feet. I missed her warmth immediately when she let go and took a step back.

"Nothing." Mara shrugged and turned around to start sorting the clothes in her duffle bag like it was suddenly the most important thing in the world. "I think it's just all this traveling. It's kinda starting to get on my nerves."

I studied her guarded expression from the side. She still looked tired but whatever else had been there when I had opened the door was gone. I should stop overthinking every time she acted a little different towards me. There was no reason not to believe her. Touring truly was exhausting, especially if you had never done it before and everything was new. Maybe she just wanted some space. If I pushed her to talk she would only get defensive.

"You'll get used to it. A little bit at least." I leaned against the wall. "If I talked to a few people in my team I'm sure I could get them to give you a few days off."

Mara left the duffle bag on the bed and turned around. The rest of that weird shaken state from earlier had disappeared. If it was gone or just pushed under the surface was impossible to say.

She took a step towards me, her tone changing into something drastically different. "I'd rather take a few days off with you."

In a matter of seconds she had shifted to a mood I knew much better how to deal with. It felt like all air was sucked out of the room. There was a vacuum between us, pulling us together and making it hard to breathe.

"You know I can't do that." Being on a sold out arena tour was just one of many reasons.

"Yeah, I know."

I leaned my head back against the wall and watched her watching me. "You could go home for a few days and catch up to us later."

"I'm good." Her face was cast in shadow but I could hear the smirk in her voice. "I wouldn't want you to miss me."

My heart was beating faster than it should. The way she was undressing me with hooded eyes gave me a familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach that was very hard to ignore. Sometimes it was infuriating that she had that effect on me.

"In your dreams." I smirked back because we both knew that I would miss her but denying it was part of the game.

"I'm sorry I was so weird today," Mara glossed over my words. With one last step she was standing so close we were almost touching. Almost. She took her time letting her eyes trail down on me, making me feel naked as I stood fully clothed in front of her.
The desire that she had hidden before was now clearly visible and burning at the surface. The little air left between us was electric, almost unbearably charged. I looked up at her but was unable to get a single word out.

Slowly she raised one hand but only placed it on the wall next to my head. I tried not to move, my knees suddenly weak. She smiled knowingly because I could not hide that it was physically uncomfortable to have her this close and not touch me.
It was not fair that she could make my head spin without even doing anything.

"Remind me," she breathed. "Don't I have something to make up to you?"

I swallowed dryly. The prospect alone made it impossible to form another coherent thought.

________________________________________

Until We Bleed (feat. Lykke Li) - Kleerup, Lykke Li
(makes me nostalgic for some reason)

Last time y'all were ready to murder me for skipping over that scene. I'm not saying I'm fully going there but I'm definitely going somewhere