Relationship With My Brothers Best Friend (Rewritten)

Chapter 39.

I put authors note so you get the scoop of upcoming chapters, keep that in mind :)

I see the look on my brothers face before I even see him. After the horrible nightmare last night, I had gotten no more sleep. I laid awake for hours and when the sun finally rose, I watched it. From the looks of it, Jackson didn't get much sleep either.

I still remember clear as day the way he cried while trying to comfort me. It made me cry harder hearing my older brother cry. He kept saying how sorry he was, what a fuck up he is, how he doesn't know what's wrong with him. And now, as I watch him at the dining table with his elbows on the surface and face in hands, I see the way my nightmare effected him.

I didn't have to tell him what it was about, he knew enough and that was the fact Colten had slithered his way into my dreams. I could deal with him in reality, I could watch him cuddle up with Angelique while I was awake, but I thought sleep was supposed to be private. I also thought that damned dream catcher - that I had crushed last night - was supposed to ward off nightmares.

I'm angry that now I have to see my worst of insecurities in my dreams where I can't seem to stop them. I think that's why I never attempted to go back to sleep after that. I didn't want the dream to continue.

The way they said they loved each other still makes me want to cry, but I bite my lip to push the emotions back. 

I walk towards Jackson and take the seat next to him, not saying a word as he probably hasn't noticed my presence. Do I even want to talk to him? Probably not, but I know I have to. Even if having conversation with him ends up in more tears, I'm going to try anyway. Here goes nothing, I'm sure.

"Jackson?" God my voice sounds like an old man who smokes three packs a day. I guess that's what I get for sobbing my days away.

"Don't," he warns, his voice soft and husky. It's a weird combination to have, but I can see why. "I don't deserve it."

"It wasn't your fault," I say anyway. It wasn't his fault that Colten is stupid and can't love me enough to put up with Jackson's behavior. "It's no ones fault. He made the decision."

"Because of me, though." He finally lifts his head and even though I knew he had been crying, I didn't think he would look like this. I nearly gasp at the sight of his bloodshot eyes, the redness of his cheeks and nose and then the dark rings under his eyes. Even the look in his iris's is pained and void. "If I would've just kept to myself or maybe just talked through everything, none of this would've happened."

I want to scream at myself for making my brother feel this way. It obviously wasn't worth his pain if Colten left before we could resolve the issues. I basically put my brother through hell - Colten and I also - for nothing. We've all been through so much and it was for a lost cause. Colten and I are broken up now, and it's pretty obvious we won't be getting back together again.

"We did it to each other," I croak. "We were all fighting against each other when we should've been on the same team. I mean, look where all this got us? You and Colten used to be like two peas in a pod and now you can't even look at each other. You and me; we used to be best friends, now we're nothing. It's all ruined."

Tears blur my vision anyway, but I wipe them away before they can be released. I am so sick of crying I can't even explain it. I feel like the last year has been me none stop mourning over what I've lost. Both Adam and the whole sleeping together ordeal, then my brother and best friend and now Colten and I. If I had known this year would suck so bad, I would've tried to ditch it.