-I Had A Dream-

Chapter 5: Flashback 1959

She felt helpless. More helpless than ever. She was home again, but she felt a stranger. Everything that she had experienced was still deep in her bones. The loud bangs, the people, the blood. Everything she saw. She thought she would get through it, but now, having lost almost everything, she felt more emotionally overwhelmed than ever before.
Carol sat down next to Ruby. She had come back to California with her when the war ended. She, too, was pretty drained from everything that had happened. Nobody expected to lose the war in such a cruel way. She looked at Ruby in silence, nobody dared to speak a word.
What are you going to do now ?
Ruby asked after a while, leaning her head against the wall.
I don't know,
Carol replied in a scratchy voice. Ruby hadn't really expected any other answer either.
Maybe finally back home to see my family again. I hope they are doing well. I have to tell them what happened.
Ruby nods a little and closed her eyes for a moment, sighed deeply and tried to clear her head.
Everything has changed,
she said after a while. Carol managed a short, uncertain laugh. Ruby could almost see the irony of the laugh.
What you do not say. I don't think anything will ever be the same again.
Ruby was silent then, but she tried hard to hold back her tears.
No. Never again. Everything will be different.
Carol moved a little closer to her and rested her head on Ruby's shoulder.
I know what happened to you. Some of the soldiers told me about his death. I'm sorry Ruby, I wish it had turned out differently.
Ruby rocked her head slowly from side to side.
No, I'm sorry. You lost Daniel, I know how you feel I don't want you to pity me.
Her heart grew heavy.
I...shouldn't have pushed this option aside.
You could see that Carol was looking for words. Ruby didn't really want to talk about it. The pain of losing the only person in her life who had ever really loved her was almost unbearable. She had saved his life so many times, but in the end, of all things, her skills would have failed, even if she had been with him. She wished she had never been part of this abnormal war. On the other hand, she would never have met him then, the love of her life, without which she had to continue her life now. And then there was...
I know. But I'm not pregnant like you are.
Ruby jerked her head around, almost slamming it into Carol's.
What ??
Carol looked at her, Ruby could see herself in her eyes. She never would have thought that Carol knew. Carol placed her hand on Ruby's, her voice becoming serious.
I am a woman, Ruby. And your best friend. Do you really think you can hide it from me ? I just didn't want to speak to you about it because your pain must already be unbearable.
Ruby stared at her in silence, and all the emotions she was trying so hard to suppress flooded her. She had to blink when tears welled up in her eyes and was overwhelmed by helplessness. All she felt was Carol pulling her close, resting her head on her shoulder and stroking her hair. And the pain. Ruby cried as bitterly as she never wanted to. She was afraid. Afraid of what might come. Carol sighed.
I'm so sorry Ruby. I am so incredibly sorry.
Ruby felt Carol's hands on her cheeks and looked at her, feeling a little more secure and comforted in the presence of her best friend.
I'll always be there for you, do you hear ? Always. No matter what happens. I'll help you. I know you're scared of your parents, but I'm there. Come to me whenever you feel the need to. I keep an eye on you. And I'll help you when you give birth to your child. You will be a great mother, it will love you. I promise you. You mustn't give up.
Ruby took a deep breath to get air, trying to get rid of the tightness in her chest. She was still looking at Carol, but wishing she was far from everything. Hide away alone in a corner. Her parents would freak out, she knew that. Nothing could make her parents happy. Ella and Lucas were the perfect example of a couple who loved each other but ignored what came out of it.
Ruby didn't want to be like them. She wanted to do better. Even if her child grew up without a father and she had to live without the love of her life, she would love it. Her baby. Everything she had left of him. She would protect it by any means she could think of.
I will not disappoint you.
She looked at Carol again.
Not you, because I'm happy to have you...and neither my baby. It's all I have from him and I don't want anything to happen to it...