LOTR/Hobbit ~Collection of Preferences~

Confessions ~ Kili

You stare out into the night, rigid. 

"I'm sorry."

And you swiftly leap off the ramparts, cloak swishing from your movement, and even as you let yourself fall, your hands burning on the ropes, distracting you from the heaviness in your chest, you have to hold back a sob. Tears blur your vision as you cross the rocky terrain and you roughly swipe them away with stinging hands. Your legs carry you along as quickly as possible, and your chest begins to ache, but you welcome the feeling. Anything to rid your thoughts of him. The lights of Dale are close enough to reach by sunrise. You must go. You should never have fallen in love, you scold yourself, the heartbreak of leaving him is nearly overwhelming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tensions rose much too quickly between the survivors of Smaug's desolation upon Laketown, their allies the Mirkwood elves, and the Company of an ill-minded Thorin Oakenshield, still barricading themselves inside the Lonely Mountain. You have remained behind in Dale, spending every waking minute tending to the elderly, the sick, the wounded, and anyone else who requests your aide, not to mention avoiding your fellow elves when you can. When you assisted the Company in their dungeon escape, you committed an act of treason against the throne, and you know King Thranduil enough to understand he is not the most forgiving of your people.

Your luck seems to be running out, however. Ever since you left Erebor, you've had one close call after another to being arrested by the King's guards, thrown out of Dale by some of the refugees for, in their eyes, being a part of the Company who instigated the destruction of their homes, or falling prey to the sorrow ever-present just under the surface of your calm facade. A little over three day have passed, and yet the pain and regret of your departure haven't faded one bit. He called out to you, as you jumped off the ramparts, just saying your name, and his voice, so hurt, stays with you every conscious moment.

The elven army has begun to march out now, down into the valley before the great mountain gates. The former citizens of Laketown are agitated, and you can understand why. Must they truly go to war so soon after losing all they ever knew, just to receive the help promised to them by those who ended up inciting the dragon's fury? You are silent as you bandage the badly-burned arm of an old woman. She tried to get a word out of you, asking your name and such, but you have not responded, and so she's gone quiet as well.

A horn blows. You look up abruptly. That is no elven horn. Has Thorin fallen into such a state of mind that he's decided to charge a full army with only the thirteen allies he has? No, the twelve, you remind yourself, seeing as Bilbo would likely be unceremoniously thrown out if his attempt to help the sanity of his friend was discovered by said king. He'd brought the Arkenstone last night and had managed to catch a moment to speak with you before he slipped away, heading back for the mountain. You were glad to see him, but not so happy to hear of how Thorin has gladly noticed your absence and that Kili has barely eaten or slept since you left. The hobbit looked at you with a gaze that was clearly disappointed when he told you these things, even when you tried to explain to him why your decision had been for the best.

"You don't really think that, Tirnethêl," he scolded you as you fiercely held back the tears threatening to expose your regret, "and as generous as I know you are, you've done a selfish thing."

"I can't go back," you said, your voice breaking, and you sank to your knees. Bilbo, seeing how terrible you feel about the whole thing, came to your side and patted your shoulder. It was a bit awkward, but he was trying to be kind, and you appreciated the attempt.

"Someday, you'll be able to."

You let him hug you goodbye, holding your tongue until he was on his way out of Dale.