"I'm sorry"

05

The nightmares had started again. From when I was a kid. I would always have nightmares that what my dad did to my mom was gonna happen to me. Then it did. When I was about 5 my dad started beating my mom after he lost his job. he would go to the bar with some friends and then come home angry and would hurt her. 4 years later when my mother died he turned to me. I never resisted his beatings because I knew they would be worse if I did resist.

I woke up sweating and shaking. Bucky was still asleep. I didn't want to wake him so I stayed in bed. By now I believed that me and Bucky were dating but I still wasn't sure. "hey, you ok?" I heard through a sleepy voice. "Ya, I'm fine." I said. "I want to be your girlfriend." I said. "Well I'd hope so sense you've kissed me multiple times." Bucky said laughing. I laid back down and gave him a kiss.

I didn't tell him about the nightmare I had. I didn't want to worry him. I laid my head back onto his chest again. I fell back asleep from the sound of his heartbeat and the rise of his chest. He always calmed me. I started having more nightmares but this time they were from Kass. From him hitting me when I made him mad or refused to do something. I was just 15 when he first threatened to kill me. I was used to it by then. My dad did that all the time when he was angry.

I woke up up again. Bucky woke up to. "Hey, you sure your ok?" Bucky said.

"I'm fine." He knew it was a lie. "I'll be right back Buck." I got out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, no longer recognizing myself. All I saw was pain, like I normally did when the nightmares came back. I decided I was done trying to sleep, I couldn't handle the nightmares. At least not right now. "Hey Buck. I'm gonna go for a walk. Ok?" I said hoping he would answer back. He did, but not the way I thought he would.

"Ok, I'm coming with though." he said before placing a kiss on my forehead as he gave me a hug from behind. I flinched at the touch. I walked out of the bathroom before he could say or question anything. "I wanna take you somewhere. Is that ok Rose." he said while trying to sound calm. He obviously had something planned. I just didn't know what. I pushed the thought aside and walked through the front door after telling Steve we were leaving.

We walked for about 30 minutes before Bucky noticed I was lost in thought. He grabbed my hand and dragged me over to the park bench.

"Rose, What's wrong? Seriously are you ok?" Bucky asked sounding concerned.

"I don't want to talk about it." I explained trying not to hurt his feelings.

"Fine. Come here." Bucky said before pulling me towards him.

I hadn't even noticed but I had started crying. I only noticed when I pulled away slightly from him. I saw the puddles on his shirt, I put my head back down so he wouldn't notice. I don't cry very loudly and most certainly don't like people to see my emotions. Then I saw him out of the corner of my eye. Kass. I was scared. Once again I was terrified. I started shaking, Bucky had noticed. I quickly lifted my head and wiped my tears. Bucky saw him too. He quickly grabbed me and started to walk away.

That's when I noticed I started having a panic attack. My knees started to buckle. "Buck, take me over to that tree. I need to sit down." I said. He quickly listened to my demand and took me to the tree. He sat in front of me trying to block me from Kass view. Except Kass had recognized him.

"Move." Kass demanded.

"Don't touch her." Bucky quickly snapped back.

Kass pushed him over. Revealing me shaking next to the tree. He noticed. "Get a load of this monster." He said to his friends while laughing. "She doesn't know how to communicate." one of his friends said while grabbing onto me. 

"Her mind is in a different place! Can everyone just give her a little space!" I heard Bucky snap. Bucky was so determined to protecting me. 

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When Kass didn't back off I simply slipped my arms under Rose's leg's and neck before taking her back home. Steve was on the couch when we got back. He looked concerned. "Don't ask." I snapped as I saw Steve about to ask a question. Steve looked even more concerned. I was never this tense. Steve knew something was wrong so he just watched as I carried Rose to her room. I put her on the bed before simply saying "Rose, It's ok. Were back home now.".

"I don't know what's wrong with me!" She screamed. I saw the fear grow in her eyes, something was off.

"Hey, tell me what's wrong Rose." I said to try and calm her down.

"I've been having nightmares. About my dad and Kass. That's why I kept waking up." she said while holding back a sob. I could hear the fear in her voice. I pulled her into a hug and held her so she knew she was safe. She grabbed onto me tightly and melted into my arms. She calmed down but not much. I picked her up and laid down on her bed. I went to walk away but I stopped when I heard her sweet voice sounding so broken.

"Please stay. Don't leave me here." Rose sounded so sweet. I couldn't leave knowing she wasn't ok. So I stayed, but only for a little. After I headed home I went to bed. I was woken at about 12 am. It happened again.