my girl

chapter 16

"You want this one or this one?" a very confused James held up two eggplants, one bigger than the other

"I don't know" I said giving off the impression that I wasn't in good spirits

"Why, doesn't size matter?" He made a very noticeable joke.

I couldn't hold in the laugh and ended up covering my face hiding from the stares I got from random people shopping in the same aisle.
"It's good to see you smiling again, it's been like what four hours?" he put the larger eggplant in the cart and I began to push it

"It's not that bad" I defended myself but I knew that I've been silent with a pout ever since I had that little altercation with little miss the world revolves around me. I haven't spoken to James about what happened, even though i'm pretty sure he picked up that whatever happened had to be a product of her. I needed some time to myself first but I knew that he could sense something was wrong. Anyone could

"Uhh have you seen yourself?, if your pout was any longer I could use it to carry the groceries" I laughed again, this time not caring about the weird stares I got. I wasn't exactly sad, just really pissed off I guess, I don't like being toyed with and she did just that. That thought she has that everything should just come to her is fucking disgusting and I would like it if she stayed away from me, especially if she continues to think like that.

"Just forget about it i'm okay" I tried to avert the attention from my situation and cover everything up, i'd probably just tell him in the car anyway. I didn't need all these people overhearing my conversation. James didn't press me any further and we continued shopping.

I got way more groceries than I had planned as if there was anyone else in the apartment to feed besides Storm and myself. I bought food for a whole family but I couldn't help it...every aisle we went through there was something else that caught my attention, stuff i've never seen in my home town before like apple crisps..they cut thin apple slices then leave them out to dry and package them as snacks?? that just sounds like pure heaven. Somehow I know that if I was to ever get pregnant I would crave those.

We cashed out, somewhere along shopping James started picking up some things for himself, as a result we had a little makeshift barricade so our stuff wouldn't get mixed up, that was my idea of course because i'm a genius.

I walked ahead of James back to his car, he gave me the keys so I opened the vehicle and he popped the trunk then placed his groceries inside. I put my groceries on the backseat since he would be dropping me off at my house it would be easier to get them out. I connected my phone to the aux and played a slowed version of flashing lights by kanye, James didn't know the song itself but he said that he had heard it before which was expected.

We listened calmly to the song while I focused on the buildings moving outside the window.

—

Alex's pov:

She just left..just like that, nothing but a mere exchange of words. I've never had anyone leave me before, they always stay and would never even think of leaving. It makes no sense to me

I had her drawing, I should've given it back but a great part of me didn't want to and that's just my problem, everything should be mine if I want it. I know it sounds selfish but I can't help it. She took it from me not in any way that I was expecting, it's as if she was..annoyed

This doesn't feel right, nothing fucking feels right. I got off of her desk, the position she left me in hasn't changed since. I sat there, looking at her walk away from me knowing there was not one word I could say in the moment that could make her stay or at least speak to me.

Any emotion I felt was unusual and unwelcome, especially now.

Her office smelt like her..her fragrance was much of lavender and the first drops of rain after a long period of drought, purification. That's what she reminds me of. She nourishes and the only thing I can offer is fucking sun when there should be rain.

I had her notepad in my hand, her handwriting was so immaculate even when it was just random scribbles they weren't anything hard to make out. I braced on the door of her office and ruffled through my hair, this wasn't me and now I don't even know who I am.

I get what I want, I always fucking get what I want why is this one so fucking difficult. I groaned in frustration and before I knew it a framed picture that was on her desk was on the floor in front of me, my elbow knocked it off. Shattered shards of the glass scattered the ground covering the picture that it once encased.

I didn't mean to break it, fuckk

This, this was what I did. This is who I am and I just can't be any different. I kneeled down to pick up the shards and place them in the trash, the picture on the ground looked a lot like a younger Jade. Her smile was wide and she had her hair blown out into an afro, she was holding an ice cream in one hand and the other was held by a man..he had similar features to Jade's and it really wasn't hard to realize that he was her father. She looked so happy in the picture..so content.

I just broke a framed picture that seemed to hold value to her, I don't know how to feel..I really don't. I need something to get my mind off of this, liquor..something

My phone was in my pocket and I took it out before I started scrolling through contacts, "Gianna..Hannah..Hailey..Isabelle" I kept scrolling to the bottom then straight back up to the top. "Addison." best option right now, she's always available for anything.

The phone didn't even get to the second ring before I heard a voice pick up on the other line.
"H-hello?, Lex?" she stuttered slightly, she doesn't get to call me that.

"Alex." I firmly reminded her

"Are you free?" not sure why I asked, she's always free and even if she's not i'm coming over anyway

"Yeah I am" She gave the same answer every time I called

"I'm on my way" I hung up. I didn't care to listen to what else she had to say and she knew it. I'm not one for any sort of emotional attachment and everyone understood that quite clearly, if a serious connection is what they want then they're looking in the wrong place. I only want and need one thing, whosoever i'm engages with should also have the same motive.

I closed the door to her office then went straight down to my car. Even my fucking car smells like her, I made her walk that day..I watched as she walked away from me into the taxi. I shouldn't have let it drive off but she was set on leaving, I wanted to bring her back just like how I brought her there but instead I drove her away. I don't know any better and like I said I won't become any better.

Addison. She better be fucking good tonight.

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A.N-
ahhh omggg this is getting so many reads and even though it might not be a lot i'm soo appreciative of the numbers, i love you guys smm🥺💕