You Idiot | Bakudeku/Suicidal Deku

64 - Lastly

Bakugo POV

"Bakugo! Bakugo!" Mina chanted running to me at the door. Her eyes were wide and her face pale. She stopped right before she reached me, glancing behind her.

"W-where's Midoriya?" Her hands were trembling a little.

"He's at his aunts house." I muttered, trying to move past her. She pressed her hands against my chest to stop me.

"Please...everyone is freaking out! Have you seen the news?!" She gasped.

I took a step back. "I have..."

"Where have you and him been?" She chewed on her nails.

"We were babysitting." I said quickly, still trying to push her to the side. She grabbed me by the side of the shirt, her long nails digging into my shoulder.

"How is he doing? Please tell me you didn't leave him alone..."

"Mina."

I glared at her, grabbing her wrist with one hand and tearing her hand off of me. She had tears in her eyes as she curled her hands protectively against her chest, staring up at me.

I exhaled softly and felt my own eyes fill with tears.

"Sorry, but can you please let me be alone right now? I don't want to talk to anyone. I just need some time to myself." I explained, hesitantly patting her on the shoulder.

She nodded quickly and took a step away from me. "You're right, I'm sorry."

It couldn't have been easy to lose All Might for anyone. I could easily bet that more than half the population was mourning. It was a big deal.

But I couldn't handle all of that. All that brewed in my mind was the knowledge that Deku needed me most right now, and I didn't want to handle reality.

***

I didn't give another thought to what I was doing, instead I quickly changed out of all my clothes into just sweatpants, pulled my headphones fully over my ears, and turned up the music until I couldn't hear anything else.

I pressed my wrist over my eyes as I laid on my back. Then it was dark and quiet, but overbearingly loud. It was so unpleasant that I loved it.

My lips occasionally moved to mouth the lyrics when I felt like it, mumbling along as the instruments made my brain hurt. Without thinking my lips wrenched themselves into an unavoidable frown and my chin quivered as my eyes overflowed with tears.

My chest wrenched as I let out a sob, and I gritted my teeth. I sighed long and shakily, pulling my arm off my face so I could see.

My vision was littered with colored spots for a couple seconds before it was blurred and went back to focus.

I had always promised to be greater than All Might. I always knew that I could outdo every hero if I really tried. I proved it too.

Deku was one of them. I swore I would beat him. But now he didn't have his guidance, and I also made a promise to help him reach the top.

He was both my competition and the one I never want to hurt.

I feared he would give up on everything after this. He lost his mom, who he was really close to, and who stayed with him through all of his backbreaking training and his endeavors. He also lost someone who was like a father to him. He lost the man who gave him the opportunity to become a hero like he always dreamed.

Once before, just out of the fear that he would be found out for the pain he experienced everyday he attempted to take his own life. I was terrified that he would try again.