Halfway to the Moon

Dusk (Pt. 1)

 

 He couldn’t keep from glancing at everyone who walked by on their way to class, unconsciously hoping one of them would be Deku. His chest was getting tighter with every minute he went without seeing the nerd, all of his senses urging him to go look for the useless idiot, and it was fucking aggravating. He wasn’t a fucking dog, he didn’t need to go chasing after Deku like one.

 

 But that feeling of dread wouldn’t go away. He spent the entire class period just staring out of the window, unseeing, his leg bouncing wildly beneath his desk and probably making a ton of noise that everyone was too scared to call him out for. He hadn’t taken even a single note and the teacher might as well have been speaking Greek up at the front of the class for all the words Katsuki actually processed- which was a terrifying realization for him considering his personal philosophy of ‘the only excuse for slacking off is literally being brain dead’.

 

 He shot off a text towards Deku the first chance he got between classes, and bit his lip when he didn’t get a response. Two texts turned to ten and then to twenty, and Katsuki banged his fist down onto his poor wooden desk.

 

 His classmates stared warily, but Katsuki didn’t care, they were all just a bunch of dumbass extras anyway. Besides, they didn’t get much longer to enjoy the show before the bell was ringing and they were all forced to turn their attention back to the teacher, their murmured gossip pittering out.

 

 And that feeling, the one festering beneath his breastplate and spoiling the breakfast trying to digest in his stomach, had him barrelling through the hallways come lunchtime, eyes scanning the ocean of heads in search of unruly green waves.

 

 He hated how panic started working its way through him at the lack of any sighting, or of any indication Deku’d been there at all.

 

 This was why Katsuki shouldn’t- couldn’t- have those kinds of feelings for anyone. To be this weak for someone was something so incredibly foreign and frightening to him. It was a weakness.

 

 The fear that something had happened to Deku, the suffocating thoughts making him invision thousands of possible futures and scenarios he didn’t want to ever think about, had a vice-like grip on him that only tightened as he stepped into the too-white and too-noisy cafeteria. The extras tried to talk to him when he approached their table, no tray in hand, but he wasn’t hearing any of it.

 

 His legs worked of their own accord when they pushed him away from the table and towards the staircase. He ran up the steps as fast he could, ramming open the rooftop door just like he’d done the first time he went up there, only this time around, there was no short boy who jumped at the sound, no startled yelp of ‘Kacchan!’.

 

 The worst part was that he’d known he wouldn’t find anyone on that roof and he’d checked anyway.

 

 Katsuki wasn’t a considerate person. He wasn’t sweet or friendly or any of the things people tended to look for in another person. Katsuki was volatile.

 

  “You’re gonna chase everyone away with that attitude, Katsuki,” His mother told him once, after he’d told a classmate, who had shown up on his doorstep with an invitation to hang out, to suck a dick. “As much as I hate to say it, our support isn’t always going to be enough. Pushin’ away all your friends is gonna come back to bite you in the ass one of these days, and there won’t be anything I can do.”

 

 Katsuki hadn’t listened to the words then, didn’t care because Katsuki didn’t need or want friends. He had lackeys, extras who kissed at his shoes, and pebbles destined to be kicked from his path.

 

 So to care for someone so much that he’d lose his concentration, act on impulses he never would have before- he was a deer in headlights.

 

 How was he going to be a hero if he couldn’t think straight with Deku around? What if Deku got hurt while Katsuki was off fighting villains? What if Deku ended up sacrificing himself for Katsuki’s sake like the martyr he was and left Katsuki unable to continue fighting? Feelings like these were only a liability, and yet...

 

  Fuck, he thought, growling in frustration as he raked shaky fingers through his blonde spikes. I like Deku.

 

 He liked the nerd of all people. The same guy he’d been tossing around carelessly mere months before. He liked him, and right now, Deku didn’t think Katsuki even cared. And Deku wasn’t at school or answering any of Katsuki’s texts.

 

  Deku’s not at school. He’s not answering any of my texts.

 

 The panic that’d been slowly consuming him engulfed him completely, surging his veins with a spike of adrenaline. Deku could be hurt right now, and it would be all Katsuki’s fault, because he couldn’t cast aside his pride for one goddamn second.

 

 Katsuki bolted down the stairs as fast as he could, pumping his legs harder than he ever had before and speeding through the school. He ignored the shouts of teachers and extras alike and burst through the doors.

 

 Where would Deku be? He wouldn’t be at the park, for sure. He could be at home, but his father really was abusive, which Katsuki highly suspected he was, he doubted Deku would want to go back home. Maybe the beach then?

 

  No, it rained last night. Unless he decided to sleep in the rain, he would’ve sought shelter, and the beach has been mostly cleared of anything that could provide adequate cover.

 

 Home, then. Katsuki would check the apartments first, and hope Deku was okay when he got there.