Our Dirty Secret -l.t. [Book II]

Chapter 3

Leticia Ray's

Everything was just the wrong timing, wasn't it? Me being playful and sending those photos, trying to bake those cupcakes- everything. Why did I happen to do all of it today? I should've just watched Netflix with mum all day. 

I am curled up on the couch, rubbing my knee in hopes to calm myself down. I kept on repeating in my head the hopes that this is all just a dream. But then, I've pinched myself a couple of times and I'm still here. Mum is still there, as stressed out as ever, and Louis still nowhere to be seen.

I can't read her facial expression let alone what's on her mind. Is she mad? Is she sad? Is she disappointed? Is she a little bit of everything? I wanted to explain everything to her. That I love Louis and that Louis loves me too. That it's okay because we weren't really related. That we don't care what anyone would say because we are happy. I wanted to explain but she refuses to talk to me, not even be touched by me. I should've seen this coming... To think that I've been the one refusing Louis' advances because I'm being 'cautious'. Only to be the one that gets us caught. The clownery.

I hope Louis would come home soon. The silence is already suffocating enough. I need him to hold me better. He'd know what to do to explain and persuade mum. I mean, he always does.

I couldn't help but keep on fidgeting as the nerves slowly kill me from the inside. "Mum..." I whispered. Her supposed soft gazes are nowhere to be found as she looks at me. As if she's looking through my blackened soul. I couldn't help but gulp in guilt.

"How long have you been hiding this to me?" She questions. At last, she didn't give me a cold shoulder anymore. But then, I'm almost as scared to answer her. I also don't want to give a wrong answer that might sabotage the thin chance of Louis and I getting through this mess.

"I-uh..." I stammered, in hopes to lengthen the idle time, so Louis could make it and burst into the door, but it never came. Mum and I stared at each other for a while that she had caught on.

"Don't think, just answer me, Leticia. And this time, with all honesty. At least let me believe you for the last time." She says angrily. This literally broke my heart into a million pieces. She doesn't trust me anymore? I want to just choke unto my saliva and leave the world. This is much worst than her scolding me. 

Yes, I've expected her to cause berserk. I'd rather she throws stuff and call me names. But instead, she's there giving me a cold shoulder. I would never know what she's thinking nor what is it she's feeling as of this moment. She won't let me see it. This is driving me crazier! 

"A long time," I answered vaguely. It's not like she doesn't know that already, but that's the safest I could answer. The less I say, the lesser shit I'll get ourselves into. "W-we were going to tell you, promise. It's just... We don't know how yet plus the timing is always bad." 

"Where's Louis?" She asked, ignoring my last statement. I literally want to throw myself out of the window right now. 

"He's coming..." I said sadly. 

"He better be," Mum replied. I want to tell her that he will. We have each other's back, and he most certainly would not leave me in such a difficult case like this. But I kept my mouth shut, knowing that anything that I'll say would not make anything any better. 

With that in thought, we stayed there waiting with just silence enveloping our very existence. We waited for so long that I probably got used to the burning sensation on my skin- the guilt and shame that are crawling through my bones. I couldn't move, and it feels like as every second that passes me by, I grew weaker. 

And just as I couldn't take it anymore, the door opened. "Mum, I could explain. " Louis breathed out as soon as his gaze fell upon both of us. I could see the distortion in his eyes. I could feel the frustration and stress even if we are meters away.