For What It's Worth

Chapter Thirteen : Sweet Suffocation

"Yeah." There's a long pause.

"I want to apologize for shouting at you... earlier."

"It's fine, I deserved it. And I'm sorry too, I didn't make things any easier." He replies.

"I think you were right when you said we were as bad as each other." He chuckles and it's followed by another silence. I roll over onto my back, looking up at the ceiling.

"Are you alone?" He questions.

"Yeah. I am, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know." His voice sounds shy, like he's totally unsure of what he's saying. "Is, why don't you just come home? We can talk, actually talk."

"It's pretty late Thomas." I draw back my phone, looking at the time. It's almost one in the morning. I shuffle back around onto my front. 

"Then why did you call?" I ponder on the answer. I wanted to hear him. I craved his voice. I can't find it within me to tell him that so the line stays silent. "I know I fucked up at the party and I am sorry-."

"We can talk about it tomorrow." I cut him off. "I'm too tired now, I want to be able to say everything I want to say." He goes quiet and I hear him sigh.

"Have I messed everything up?" Is he talking about the kiss? I can't tell. I'm assuming he is.

Even though the kiss was nice, and extremely overdue, it was bad timing. In the middle of an argument? Fueled by heightened emotions? It's not the way I'd have chosen to have it, but I am glad it happened.

"No?" I answer, shyly, looking down.

"So you didn't mind that I kissed you?" I can just tell he's smirking right now. I scratch and pick at the pillow given to me, trying not to smile myself.

"I mean, it wasn't the best timing but... no."

"So if I ever wanted to do it again..." He trails off. I hate how nervous he makes me feel. The butterflies have taken flight around my body.

"I probably, most likely... wouldn't complain." I chew on the inside of my mouth, sighing.

"Okay that's good to know." I shake my head at him, not that he knows it. I clear my tightened throat.

"We should talk about that as well though, right?"

"Yeah, sure."  He lets out a yawn.

"I should let you go, you're tired."

"It's fine." He brushes me off.

"No. It's alright. I need to go to sleep myself. So, goodnight." I take the phone away from my ear but I hear his voice.

"Is?" He catches me before I hang up. I wait for what he has to say. "For what it's worth, I don't want you to move out. I don't want you to look for anywhere else to stay." My lips curl up into a smile.

"I want you here."

"Okay. Goodnight Thomas." I whisper.

"Night."

I smile. Hearing him say that was worth everything.

**

I leave Eva and Violet's place around mid-day, hoping to see Thomas back at the apartment but he isn't there when I arrive. I kill my time by baking a batch of cookies and cleaning up all the mess he's left lying around in the two days I've not been here.

I can't think about anything else but of what it is that I want from Thomas. I don't even know myself. It's all so soon after Nate. I'm not ready to commit to anything but at this point, I like Thomas too much for us to be nothing or for me to just be another one of his flings.