Trust Once Broken | SGA John Sheppard

0.99.0

Hello friends! I hope you are excited for the update. I'm sorry it's been a little while. I'm super engrossed in writing my new Mandalorian Fanfic. If you are a fan I would love for you to check it out and let me know what you think!

Happy Reading!

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The Real World
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They still didn't know what was wrong with Elizabeth. They had returned from their narrow escape from the replicators and she had collapsed a couple hours later in the control room with no sign of what was wrong. They rushed her to the infirmary where Beckett immediately got to work.

Everyone else had gone to bed while they waited for Beckett to come up with a diagnosis, but John hadn't left Elizabeth's side. Kai was walking back into the infirmary to check on Weir, Beckett and Sheppard. It was late and the lights were low.

Kai could see John standing just outside the quarantine curtain that surrounded Elizabeth's bed. He was blaming himself. She had the connection between the two of them open as wide as she could, and she could feel the pulsing shame of John punishing himself. No one was around so when she stepped up beside him she slid her hand into his. She laced her fingers with his and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Any change?" she asked quietly.

John grunted, but he never took his eyes off of the monitors that were counting off Elizabeth's heartbeats.

Kai knew there was another side to this, not just the guilt. John and Elizabeth were close. Elizabeth had fought not only for John's chance to be here, but also for his position as military leader. They had led the Atlantis expedition together for a long time. Without Elizabeth, it all fell onto John's shoulders and Kai knew there was a part of him that didn't think he was worthy of leading the expedition. Not that he couldn't, but that he shouldn't. Elizabeth was a peacemaker, John was a soldier and had never known or wanted to be anything else.

Kai could feel him spiraling. She could feel everything so much stronger since she was touching him. She wished she understood how the Bond worked so she could be sure of her response. She pushed back sending, she hoped, a gentle nudge his way.

John startled. The warmth in his chest pulsed and he looked down at Kai as though just realizing she was there. He exhaled and pulled Kai into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and just held her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," Kai said gently.

John snorted. "I'm not," he promised her. "All I could think was that could have been you. You would have been the likely choice had Elizabeth not wanted to come, and I wouldn't have been able to protect you either," he said.

Kai hated to see the haunted guilt in John's hazel eyes. She wanted to help him, but he took so much of it on himself. "You know, it's not your job to single handedly protect everyone," Kai said gently.

John snorted humorlessly. "It is literally in the job description," he said.

Kai tightened her arms around him, knowing there was nothing she could say to make him feel better. She just wanted him to know he wasn't alone. That she was there with him to face this. "How is Beckett?" she asked gently after a few quiet moments.

John looked down at Kai and wondered if she knew about Carson and Elizabeth. He had always suspected, although there hadn't been proof, and he seriously doubted that anything had ever happened between them. Part of him had always assumed that was one of the reasons Elizabeth had been so against his and Kai's relationship. Elizabeth had denied herself her feelings and a relationship with Carson and therefore felt he should too.