C H A P T E R 3 0

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I tried to quickly walk away but was stopped by Alex holding my hand, "Uhm.. Can we talk.. About us? After the game?" he asked shyly, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

I couldn't help but smile slightly at how adorable he was being, "Of course, Alex,"

He finally looks at me and flashes me that smile of his, "Cool."

"Cool." I replied as I gave his hand a squeeze before we both let go and I went off to my room.

No one would ever know, how in those few special moments we had, my heart beated like I just ran a marathon.The butterflies he gave me, stuck with me throughout playing the game.

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After ending my stream, I sighed in relief. Finally that's over with.

I would be lying when I say I wasn't acting more jumpy than usual. I had people ask me if I was alright, and to which I would say I was fine just tired while Alex just chuckled.

I heard a knock coming from my door, letting out a surprised yelp. I rolled my eyes at the familiar sound of chuckling coming from outside, "I'll be out in a few!" I said as I heard footsteps shuffle away from the door.

What could he possibly want to talk about?

I finally mustered up all of my confidence as I walked out of my bedroom to see Alex sitting on the couch, occupied by his phone which he set down as he noticed me.

He shot me a grin as I made my way to him, nervous.

"Damn, chill would you? It's not like I'm gonna bite you or anything.. unless?" he sent me a playful look, obviously trying to get me to relax.

It worked as I let out a chuckle and playfully hit his arm in response, "Yeah, well. I was so out of it that entire game because of you!"

"Aw, I'm glad I was the one occupying your thoughts!" he grins innocently causing me to roll my eyes.

"Okay, let's cut to the chase. Us." I said as he nodded his head, putting on a serious face.

"Us, right. Y/N, we're just friends right?" he asked as I nodded my head, causing him to frown slightly.

"Okay, I don't mind that but.." he hesitates before continuing, "..I want us to be more than just friends.." he waits for my reaction as I tried to look as neutral as possible.

"Date me," he continues, causing me to flinch a bit. He notices as worry takes over his face.

"W-wait.. do you not like me that way?" he asks, his shoulders sagging slightly in disappointment. I shook my head immediately,

"No! I..I do like you.." I said as he lets out a small sigh of relief before I continued, "But.. I can't do this right now.." I looked away guiltily.

A frown appears on his face as he starts, "What?.. I-is there something wrong?" I bit my lip as I tried to avoid his gaze.

"Is it cause I'm younger by like- what- one year?" he asks as I shook my head, I can't tell him it's cause I have feelings for one of his close friends that just so happens to stay under the same roof as us! Have to think of an excuse.

"Then what is it?" he asks again, and suddenly, Karl's red hoodie that he forgot on a chair seemed pretty interesting.

"..Do you like someone else?.." he asks catching me off guard as I flinched again, fuck.

The one thing anyone would underestimate when first meeting Alex is how intelligent he is. Despite making stupid jokes all the time, he was actually a really smart person. Except right now, I wished he weren't as intelligent as he is.

He catches me looking over to Karl's hoodie and took a few seconds to think before jumping slightly upon realization, "You fucking like Karl.." he mumbles quietly, but just loud enough for me to hear.

I widened my eyes to finally look at him properly, he was frowning, obviously pissed off, "Alex- wait I-" he cuts me off as he shook his head furiously,

"You fucking like Karl!" he said, louder this time. I flinched at the sudden raise in his tone. "Alexis! I-" he cuts me off again as he stands up.

"No! Don't- don't Alexis me! You should've told me sooner! What- how long?" he asks as I stay quiet.

"How. Long," he growls, stepping back. "I only just realized my feelings for him on the day we.. first shared a.. room together.." I mumbled but he caught it as his breath hitches.

He laughs darkly, "Wow.. so you kiss me first, agreed to stay as friends despite knowing the feelings you've had towards me, AND mine towards you- Then go find some other guy to fuck?" he looks at me disgusted as I frowned and stood up.

"No! I'm not some slut, how dare you?" I asked as he scoffs, "Then did you fucking kiss him like you did with me?"

I opened my mouth to say no, but that was a complete lie. I kissed Alex, then Karl. I had fallen for both boys and now I was facing the consequences.

Alex rolled his eyes and mumbles, "That's what I thought.." before walking to his room and started packing.

I frowned a bit, despite what had just happened, I couldn't just kick him out like that, "What are you doing?" I asked as I stepped into his room and realized how most of his stuff was already packed, as if he had packed earlier.

"I'm fucking leaving and flying back to Mexico," he grumbled as I felt tears sprung into my eyes,

"Alex.. please don't leave because of this. Please.. just stay and talk to me," I stepped closer but stopped as he finished packing and was now zipping his bags.

"Look, I don't know what the fuck is going through your head but, I'm hurt. You've hurt me by getting my hopes up. Karl is a close friend of mine, basically like a brother," he stands up to look at me, hurt and anger written all over his face.

"I would've backed off if you had just told me you liked him.." his face shifted into one of just sadness before he snapped back into reality and started grabbing all his bags and walking out.

I felt a tear slip down my cheek as I realized he was actually serious about leaving, "Alex-" I tried to say but he looked back at me with sadness and anger in his eyes, "I just need time to think.. Just.. I can't talk to you right now.. I'll make up an excuse to tell Karl,"

For a moment, he looked sad and disappointed to be leaving just like that without properly saying goodbye to Karl, but remembers why and frowns again, "It's your choice on whether you want to tell him or not. And I fucking hope that you don't hurt him as much as you did me.." he mumbled the last part.

And just like that, he opened the door and left, leaving me speechless.

One by one, tears started to roll down my face as I fell down to my knees, crying.

I had lost my friend, all because I was selfish with my emotions. I had lost someone who would use all the cuss words in the world to cheer me up. I had lost him, who would read me and know exactly how I feel.

I had lost Alex.


-1210 words

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A/N:

Uh oh. Cat's out of the bag. I wonder what will happen next.. Also I have my own reasons as to why Alex is acting reaallyy grumpy in case some people would attack me on why I made Alex look this grumpy.

besides the fact that he found out he was being lead on-

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