Craving Yours-A taboo love built on an unhealthy foundation.
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It's not forbidden to want your brother's boyfriend, ok maybe it's a taboo but it's not forbidden. But its not a Taboo to want your twin brother's boyfriend, ok s...
"Do you think they will like me? I said fixing my shirt and combing my hair with my fingers."
"What's going on. What's all this. You have met my sisters before." Darius said laughing.
He was right. I had met Carol in passing and I had met Olivia at the hospital while she was drugged up and in a coma. This was different. Darius was having his sisters over for dinner to welcome Olivia back home. The doctors had said she could finally go home and Darius wanted to cook them dinner. A sweet gesture if it wasn't for the fact that I wasn't good with new people.
"Yeah, but then adrenaline was high and everyone was frantic," I whispered checking myself in the mirror again.
"There is nothing to be worried about," Darius said walking past me as he fixed stuff around the house.
"Yeah, then why are you fixing up the house?" I asked pointedly looking at his hands as he shuffled some figurines I had never seen before.
"Because I want Ollie to be comfortable." He said.
"Yeah, nothing says be comfortable like a creepy horror movie doll," I said laughing at him.
"It's not that bad is it?" He glanced down at the atrocious thing he held in his hands and frowned, "Fine, Horror doll goes if you admit you have nothing to worry about."
"Yes, I have everything to worry about. I want them to like me! Little kids are usually afraid of me," I exclaimed rebuttoning my shirt, "Damnit. I lost a button."
"Hey, hey." Darius said pulling my hands into his, "Relax. Okay? Carol is 13 she is not afraid of you. And you look great. Don't worry. You will get a stroke or something from all this worrying."
"I just really want them to like me," I said looking at Darius' eyes.
"And they will."
I struggled with my shirt and its missing buttons for a while before I gave up on the whole idea. I managed to change into a loose t-shirt before the girls arrived. Good thing I had too because I was going to be the douche who overdressed to a family dinner.
Carol was the first to walk in with an easy smile and a curious gleamer in her eye. "Do you have chocolate in this house?" She asked no one in particular as she walked past me towards the kitchen.
Olivia was the complete opposite. She took her time to examine the houses she stood on the threshold. Her shoulders were taut with tension as she gripped her forearms tightly. I stood across from her wondering what I was supposed to do next. Darius was in the kitchen finishing up the cooking so it was up to me to figure this out.
"Hey," I said stepping forward.
Oliva flinched.
"Okay. No contact. Got it. Do you want to come in? Darius is cooking...food." I watched Olivia watch me with apprehension like a skittish animal trying to decide if I was a friend or foe. I stepped aside giving her enough room to get inside.
She finally made it in and just sat at the dining table with her eyes trained on an invisible spot on the wall. Darius tried to act like everything was normal but the tension in the room was thick. And Carol did her best to fill the silences but it seemed like Olivia's silence was too loud.
Even with Olivia's loud silence dinner went relatively well. Everyone just needed to find a balance between including Olivia and not overwhelming her. I noticed her occasionally lift her head to see what Carol was saying. Then with something small that resembled a smile she would shake her head and go back to eating. Almost as if the very being of her hyperactive sister still amused her.
After dinner, Carol and Darius went to the kitchen to do the dishes and I followed Olivia outside. I watched Olivia silently draw circles into the dirt. She hadn't said a word all night and the doctors had warned Darius that this would happen. But as the night progressed Darius got antsier. He had managed to shoot me sad glances across the table with an obvious plea for help etched in them.
He didn't understand the need to be quiet. Which made sense since he rarely left much to the imagination but I understood it. I lived in my mind half my life and sometimes I just wanted to think.
I sat down on the porch next to Olivia not before asking her, "Do you mind if I sit here?"
She simply nodded her head then went back to drawing circles in the sand. I settled next to her and just looked outside at the dark sky. There wasn't much to see. The night was dark and the stars were few but the silence was okay and I didn't mind it.
Olivia and I sat quietly next to each other for a while. We didn't speak. Or at least I didn't speak. Not until she finally said something. Her voice sounded raspy and almost a whisper like she hadn't used it in a while.
"Are you going to ask me?"
I looked down at her but she wasn't looking at me. She was still drawing circles in the sand like she hadn't just spoken.
"Do you need me to ask?" I asked her back voice quiet.
"No."
"Okay," I replied looking away from her again, "I won't ask."
Olivia didn't say anything for a long time with a low croaky voice she whispered, "Thank you, for not asking."
I nodded and just sat on the porch with her.
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