Jason & Darius |Craving Yours| ✔

40.Happiness & Jealousy

Darius Dixon

"I missed you," Jason whispered as he let his palm graze the outside of my hand.

'I Bet I missed you more.' I thought wryly as I forced my words further down my throat.

Jason's hand was cold and he leaned into it just a little too much but I didn't move my hand from under his. In a way, it felt like a weird twisted form of affection that came in the form of punishment. I felt my lip quirk up involuntary.

"What?" Jason asked beaming at me with a look that resembled the setting sun. Happiness and content were the words that came to mind.

"Just thinking." about how people into BDSM feel. This must be it. I thought as I felt another light punishing sensation shoot through my arm as Jason shifted around.

"Yeah?" He asked softly without looking at me.

"Yeah."

"You do that a lot these days," Jason said finally turning to look at me. There was something sad and clear in his eyes. He looked at me like I was a dying puppy. Almost as if I was crumbling before his eyes and he had no way of stopping it.

"I really did you know, miss you. I am not just saying that." Jason repeated squeezing my hand.

I felt something rush through my body. Something warm, cold and confused. 'If you really missed me, then why do you look so happy' I thought.

The setting sun had gone from enjoyable warm rays to harsh blinding lasers. And in a way, I could not help but feel I deserved it. Jason let go of my hand and leaned towards me. His face was inches away from mine as his eyes drilled invisible holes in my eyes.

"Is this too much?" He asked voice barely a whisper.

'Not enough.' My brain supplied unhelpfully.

"Why? Is it too much for you?" I asked pulling away.

"No." Jason whispered as he pulled my face towards his. "What's wrong?"

I blinked up at his concerned face. Had I said it out loud? Had I finally overreached? My heart chastised me for being greedy as I stared into Jason's worry ridden face. My heart lurched as I noticed the prominent tan visible on his skin. 'He must have been so happy.' I thought.

"Why are you crying?" I whispered.

Jason's infectious laugh surprised me and dazed me for a second.

"I am not crying." He answered as his chest heaved up and down with silent laughter. Then with a silent smile, he used his thumb to swipe under my eyes. He looked at his thumb as he asked me again, "What's wrong Darius?"

"You are so happy..." I whispered.

Jason frowned.

"You made me feel like you don't need me," I whispered looking away. 

"I don't need you."

The words tore through my heart with a sharply jagged edge. Everything I was holding back flooded in. And not for the first time in my life, I felt unwanted and undeserving.  

"Hey, hey. Listen. Okay. Just listen to me for a moment." Jason said using his left hand to trace my jaw. "I don't need you...But I choose you. I want you. Okay?"

I followed Jason's eyes as they danced around my face. It made sense. It just didn't make me feel better. Wasn't family...' meant to need each other.' My brain supplied.

"I missed you," Jason said looking straight into my eyes.

"I missed you too," I said surging forward to capture his lips with mine. The kiss felt like a much-needed lifeline. Jason still kissed the same way he did before his 'grand' trip. He kissed like he was starved for it.

Jason pushed me back gently before he straddled me with a certain determination I hadn't expected. I placed my palm on his neck and pulled him closer. The warm spark at the bottom of my stomach ignited into a raging fire as Jason's hands strategically slipped under my t-shirt. I revelled in the normalcy of kissing Jason. After everything that had changed in the past four months feeling Jason's lips on mine was like a drop of water on my parched tongue. And I lapped every bit I could get.

Jason ground his crotch against mine coaxing a strained moan out of me.

"I missed you " Jason groaned into my ear.

I tightened my grip on his hipbones as a small whimper escaped my lips.

"Come on! Dude!" An annoyed voice said from behind us.

Jason let out an embarrassed laugh before he dropped his forehead in the crook of my neck.  A short uncontrolled chuckle escaped my lips while I let my hands circle his body. "Sorry?" I said looking up at Jason's friend.

The guy, whose name I had forgotten shook his head slightly as he looked down at us.

"Okay. Just... don't make out in my office? Please." Axe or Ace, said.

"Yeah, Of course," I answered letting go of Jason so he could sit up.

"Sorry, man,"  Jason said grinning like a fool.

"You don't even look sorry," he answered laughing before walking out.

Jason dropped his gaze to my face with a fierce hungry look. But before he could do anything about it Axe, Ace or whatever his name is was, was shouting at us through the closed door, "Don't even think about it."

Jason chuckled and hugged me closer to his chest instead.

"Maybe we should go," I said into his ear.

"Yeah, you are probably right." He said without moving.

"Hey, Jason,"

"Mmhh."

"W...Never mind."

Jason pushed off of me to look into my eyes again then with a shrug he stood up and stretched his hand towards mine. I grabbed his hand and managed to stand up without fumbling about.

And for a moment the world was at peace. But that was because I had forgotten. I had forgotten about the reason why my life was crushing inwards and suffocating me. It all came rushing back to me the moment I was on my feet. Ollie, the hospital, the fear of her never looking at me again, the grief and all the self-doubt that still lingered in my body. The whiplash hit me in the gut and I forgot how to breathe. I coughed as I tried to gain back my breath. It was all rushing back and it was flooding me in one swoop.

"Hey, Hey what's wrong?" Jason said grabbing my arm.

'Feelings.' I thought as I smiled wryly. I glanced at my watch and cursed myself internally for getting distracted. "I have to go to the hospital."

"Sure, I can drive you? What's wrong? Are you sick?"

"No. I...Visting hours are almost over," I whispered.

"Oh. Okay." Jason said ushering me outside.

As we walked over to Jason's car I couldn't help but wonder if this was the talk he had hinted about.