Craving Yours-A taboo love built on an unhealthy foundation.
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It's not forbidden to want your brother's boyfriend, ok maybe it's a taboo but it's not forbidden. But its not a Taboo to want your twin brother's boyfriend, ok s...
Carol's shoulders dropped as she made her way towards me from Ollie's room. Her eyes never looked away from the floor but her face seemed to have aged a few more years than when she entered the room. Her mother rushed to her side and bundled her up in her arms. And all carol did was slump against her mother's form silently.
"Carol. Carol? What happened?" James asked, kneeling next to the rest of his family.
I stood rooted to the floor watching them hold each other up. The more I watched the more I felt like a voyeur. This wasn't meant for me. I was the outcast without a family. The pine tree among maple trees. Present, visible and yet unnoticed. Invading their space.
"She is...broken." Carol's voice broke as she croaked the words out.
I manoeuvred my way around them and walked towards the ICU. I was going to have to see it for myself. I was going to be the grown-up here and see how extensive the damage went. And I was going to be the one who stood by her and made sure she was protected.
The beep of the hospital machines was fighting for a spotlight against the loud thumping of heart. I stood in the doorway watching Ollie's limp fragile body bunched under the hospital sheet. Her eyes were downcast and trained on a wall to her left. Present but distant.
I found myself tentatively moving closer despite the fear that was lodged in my throat. Would she think it was my fault? Would she be angry that I didn't find her sooner? Would she be disappointed that I was a failure at being a brother? I stood on her right and watched her steady breathing as I tried to ignore all the questions rattling in my mind.
"Ollie?" I whispered.
She didn't move, reply or acknowledge my presence in any way.
"Olivia?" I said louder, placing my hand on her shoulder.
What happened next would have been comical if it hadn't turned my blood cold.
Olivia flipped to face me and instantly shrouded back towards the head of her bed. Her eyes were large, frightened and they were trained on my hands like she expected something. Something terrible.
"Hey, Ollie it's me, Darius," I whispered into the silent room.
I raised my hands in a gesture of surrender and she moved further back. She was so far at the edge of the bed that she tripped and fell off it. With shock running through I moved closer to try and help her but instead, she jerked back and hit the stand nearby with the back of her head.
"Okay. Okay. I am moving back." I said moving away from her terror-stricken face.
"Get out." She whispered voice cracking.
"Hey, Ollie? It's me. Darius. Your brother? I am not going..."
"I said Get out!" She screamed at me, startling me.
"Okay. But..."
"Get out! Get Out! Get Out! Get out!" She screamed at me. From the corner of the room that she was crouched in.
The nurses ran into the room and ushered me out while someone gave her sedative. She didn't stop screaming 'Get out' until the sedative started working. I stumbled back into the waiting room and sat down on the cold metal bench.
My heart was still beating fast. And yet everything around me seemed to have slowed down. I couldn't lose her. I couldn't lose another one. Not like this. I had just found her. She was finally home safe and now she didn't even want to see me? The hospital staff was running in and out of her room like something was happening. Something bad. Something we were all not ready for. I closed my eyes as I felt the tiny bursts of wind that were left whenever someone ran past me.
I didn't want to move but something in me felt like if I didn't I would go crazy. 'No this was not happening' my mind repeated over and over again. How cursed was I to always lose every family I had. I couldn't lose Ollie. Not now. I was not ready. Even though we disagreed a lot and fought for most times. She was my sister and I loved her like that. Someone bumped into me and mumbled something from behind me that woke me up from whatever daze I was in.
I looked around and saw Carol sitting next to me. Head hanging to the side and hands resting on the edge of her seat.
"She is going to be fine." I croaked out, barely managing to get those words out.
"You don't know that?" She said voice shaky and eyes watery as she stared up at me.
"You are right. I don't. But I believe it with my whole being and that definitely counts for something." I said, giving her a brief hug.
"Yeah. Maybe." She mumbled into my side.
"Definitely." I murmured.
The Doctor finally came back to speak to us after three long hours. Carol's parents were the first to reach him, so I lingered in the back as I held Carol's hand.
"Doctor, what happened to her?" Her mother asked frantically before giving me a disapproving eye like I did something.
"We don't know. This is the first and only time she has spoken to us but we are doing everything possible to find out. We have scheduled a session with our resident psychiatrist to speak so she can speak to her, now that she is talking."
"Will she be okay?" Carol whispered softly.
"We hope that we can figure out the extent of her trauma so she can be okay." The doctor answered skillfully avoiding the question.
"Okay. Thank you, Doctor..." James said bundling his silently hysterical wife.
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