Jason & Darius |Craving Yours| ✔

35. Texts & Calvary

Jason Madison

I adjusted my headphones as I leaned onto the cool glass of the window. Mori's words still rang loud and clear in my mind. 'Just because you have accepted yourself and changed does not mean you will not be tempted to go back to who you used to be.' Mori was wise beyond his years which wasn't much considering he was past eighty. But the words he told me on the last day at the monastery remained with me even as I sat alone on a bus back home. The journey back to what used to be. It was up to me now to decide if anything changed.  To see it through or to go back to who I used to be. 

I glanced down at the text message that had finally pushed me over and tilted my decision into coming back home. The town of Burberry was waiting. After all, it had only been four months. Four months of solitude.

I could see all the big cities I wanted and meet all the fancy people I knew but Burberry was still home. And would always be. This was where my life started and where I wanted it to end. The life of glitz, glam and parties was enjoyable but being back home was safe, warm and interesting in a whole different light. 

My screen flashed with a new notification. A calendar alert. Today was going to be Mason's big game. The wound still hurt every time something reminded me of him but it was not as raw as it was when I left home. Now I carried him with me not as a weight but as a gentle flame keeping me warm. 

My phone buzzed with yet another notification. A text message from my mother. A picture of the puppy she bought because the house was too quiet. I smiled as I let my eyes wander through the trees that blurred as the bus sped on the highway. Homecoming. Nothing quite like that feeling of going home. 

Then there was the text message I received. A cry for help. A plea so deep it reached into me and tugged at my heartstrings. A plea, so devastatingly innocent but yet effective. A text message that woke me up at two am from a dreamless sleep.  

I swiped through my phone to the text message. I hadn't replied. The text was long and overwhelming. I just couldn't type anything. So instead I stared at it. Hoping for a clue or sign or some form of answer from the sky. 

    Jason

Ever since the day you left Darius has never been the same. At first, we all thought it was the trauma of almost losing a sibling but it's worse and more serious than that. He carries more anger and pain than a family of grieving mothers could ever swallow. He looks betrayed, deceived and hurt. Believe me when I say he has tried everything except taking a trip to the pits of hell. The only time he ever seemed truly at peace was when you were here. The light in his eyes has now completely extinguished. And all that's left is a shell of a man. He is so frail and sick that I think he might just collapse by the roadside and never wake up. You are the only reason
He is still with us. At least that's what he keeps telling us in his own cryptic words. So, please come back. He needs you, now more than ever. 

'He needs you, now more than ever.'

The sentence that jolted me from my fantasy and brought me back to reality. 

'He needs you, now more than ever.' 

The first sentence that bounced around in my head as I sat down for breakfast. 

I glanced at the digital clock on my lock screen, half-past four. Only an hour left. Only an hour before I held him in my arms and assured him that I was there for him. Only an hour until I faced the reason I left in the first place. 

I looked up and saw two young kids squealing as they played I spy with each other. A memory of Mason and I as kids came to the forefront of my mind. Mason always wanted to play pirates. He used to say that pirates go on adventures all over the world. If only he was here now. He would have loved my adventure. Regardless of how my journey started or the turmoils and hardships I faced during the journey. It still left me refreshed.

"Next Stop Burch Avenue." The automated voice of the bus droned out.  

I sat up straighter as I watched the bus stop at Burch Avenue. My gaze fell upon a familiar shiny red letterbox. Andy Sue's house. The first boy I ever fell in love with. My first love. Mason never understood what I liked about Andy. Considering no one really liked Andy, it all made sense. But even though Andy was aloof and never paid attention to anyone he was different with me. He always acted like I was the only guy in the world. Being one half of a set of twins that was enough for me to hold on to. If Only Andy could see me now. Falling for a guy who couldn't even see me, travelling the world living with monks. I was a whole different person from who I used to be back then. 

I leaned on the glass and closed my eyes, thoughts of what if were swirling around my mind. What if Andy Sue had never moved away. What if Mason was still alive. What if I had dated Darius first. What if Darius was fine and his sister was just exaggerating. What if he had moved on like I should have. What if I had moved on instead of holding out hope for Darius. What if this thing was never meant to be. 

"Next stop Burberry Main station."

Right. Home. I grabbed my bag from the seat beside me and slung it over my shoulder. This was it. Home. 

I swiped my thumb across my screen and sent out a text to an old friend. Nothing like an old friend to remind you what being home was like.