Jason & Darius |Craving Yours| ✔

8.Never & Again

Darius Dixon

I spent all night thinking about how I was not supposed to have slept with Jason. The whole day at work was a blur. And I had been so distracted that a car I was working on almost fell on me after I accidentally moved the jack. Everyone at the garage noticed something was up and they all avoided me. Which made me feel even worse because I was always the funny guy everyone always had something to show me.

By the time I arrived home my mood was worse and my stomach was in knots and just the thought of Jason's food made me feel nauseated. I got home and told Jason I had already eaten so instead I sat there with him as he ate.  While we exchanged short stories about Mason's cooking. Jason eventually figured I was not listening and made a comment about how tired I must have been. I just nodded in reply.

When we moved to the couch like we always did I couldn't help but notice all the lines and muscle on Jason's body. The way his muscles became taught when he stretched his arms. The way his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed.  And as if he knew I was watching him he bit his lips and all of a sudden my mind was filled with images of naked skin and flashes of movements only he could do. Then sounds of skin moving against skin and groans from him. My mind remembered every second of last night and how much I enjoyed it all.  Then without any context whatsoever I remembered it was the best I had ever had.

I shuffled awkwardly on the couch before excusing my self to go and sleep. Jason didn't say much and he had actually made sure to not touch me or even brush up against. Which was weird since he always huddled into my side when we watched movies on the couch.  I tossed and turned in my bed for what felt like hours. I couldn't think of anything else but last night. And as much as I knew it was wrong I wanted to do it again. I needed to do it again.

I managed to resist and toss and turn in bed for a while longer. Just when I couldn't bear it any longer I tossed the covers off my body and jumped off the bed. I paced back and forth by the bed before I just decided, fuck it. I made my way to the living room and woke up a sleeping, Jason. I immediately felt guilty but I needed to do this before I lost my nerve.

"Hey, Jason. Can we... um, can we..." I trailed off hoping he would understand what I wanted.

Instead, he just stared at me blinking. Making the silence and atmosphere feel more awkward than it should have been.

I decided to just say it because he was clearly not going to say anything. "Can we have sex again?"

Again he just stared at me without uttering a word.

"You know what? Forget it. It was stupid of me to ask. Go back to sleep sorry for waking you." I said standing up and walking back to my room.

I went back to my room and stripped into my boxers. Then I crawled into my bed cursing myself for even asking him. It was wrong of me to be sleeping with him in the first place. So why was I trying to do it again? Why was I holding out hope he would have said yes. Why did I even want him like that, he wasn't Mason? I looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was two o'clock in the morning. Why was I weak enough to wake up my dead boyfriend's brother at two o'clock in the morning for sex.

I turned to face Mason's side of the bed just so I could pretend he was still here. But before I could reenact any good pillow talk days Jason walked in stark naked and ready to go. He was without a doubt ready to do this, whatever this was. Jason walked to the bed then proceeded to pull the covers off with no words uttered. 

Then he crawled onto the bed with a stoic look on his face. And even if his face was calm his eyes were raging and storms were brewing there. I thought I was misinterpreting them until he pulled me towards him in one firm Jerky movement and held me tight against him. Then he leaned over me to ask if I really wanted this. But I didn't want to voice it. I didn't want the walls to know that I was fully consenting to cheat on Mason's corpse. I nodded my head firmly hoping he wouldn't ask for a verbal reply. He did not.

Instead, he dipped down and took my mouth into his. He kissed me with such animosity it almost felt like he was angry. He kissed me roughly and with powerful movements of his lips alone. The raw power and animosity of the situation fueled my need to get laid. This was what I needed. I needed to be fucked so hard in the bed I would forget who I was or why I thought this was a bad idea.

"Are you ready?" He asked more like growled in my ear as he tried to push my boxer down.

Instead of replying, I helped him remove my boxers. The only thing preventing me from having Jason in me. He lubed up and plunged into me with no warning whatsoever. Sparks of sharp pain emanated through me at the sudden intrusion so I bit my lips and clenched my butt. Jason did not move or say anything, in fact, a part of me almost saw a little part of him that looked satisfied with that.

After I relaxed and my body adjusted I squirmed a bit to urge him to move. And he moved. He moved like he had a vendetta against my body. He moved in a way that was primal and raw. He filled me up and destroyed all rational thoughts in my head. It was like some part of him wanted to punish me and this was the only way how. My body was on fire and I was enjoying it. It was rough raw and powerful. I felt so connected to him in some weird everlasting way. Like now we were finally one. And everything was just us.

He used his hands to grab me and flip me over so my face was digging into the bed. Then with some electric new surge of energy, he continued to plough into me as his life depended on it. Then with a grunt and a painful bite on my shoulder he was following me over the edge.

I slumped into the bed as we breathed heavily laying next to each other. My heart was hammering in my chest as I enjoyed the afterglow. And for a second or two, I forgot that he was Mason's brother. Or that Mason was dead. Jason seemed to have finally come down too as his breathing evened out. He lay next to me watching me, studying me as if waiting for a reaction.

Then like a freight train it hit me. I did it again. Why would I be stupid enough to do the same mistake twice? Why was I doing this to Mason? He was not even gone for that long. Even if he was it was just not right Jason was his brother. It made me seem like I was lusting after Jason the whole time I was with Mason. And yes Jason was the best sex I ever had but just thinking about it made me feel dirt cheap and like a fraud.

I watched Jason stretch a towel towards me to try and clean me up. But I stopped him before he even got it on my body.

"Don't touch me," I said. Scooting away from him.

A flash of pain appeared on his face for a second before he withdrew his hand left the towel on the bed. He didn't say a word. But he did leave it in a way that seemed to say 'do it yourself'. I watched him as he stood up and watched me for a second studying my face trying to understand what was going on I guess. Then without uttering a single word he turned and walked out still very naked.

I ignored the towel he brought and the slight ache I felt. It was all a painful reminder of my betrayal. It was entirely my fault. I had insinuated the situation. I had woken him up an hour ago. I had done this all on my own. I curled into myself and burrowed in my corner facing the wall. Surely if all those movies were telling the truth Mason was looking down on me with a disgusted look.