Bittersweet // Complete

37

Chapter 37

NOAH STERLING

I didn't even go home. I drove blankly, finding myself parked at the airport before I even knew it. If I had accidentally skipped a traffic light or ten, I wouldn't have realised. Fuck. The guilt building up inside me was intensified by what I knew about Bri's mom. I had never been a very careless driver anyway, but just knowing this... I was always double checking mirrors and slowing on intersections since this.

I took the first flight out, landing in Seattle four hours later with only a wallet and a dead phone. With a charger purchased at the airport, I hailed a cab to a hotel, checking in for the weekend. Even if Bri wasn't holding it over my head at the moment, part of me was not convinced to stay at Jen's place anymore.

Bri.

I sighed, rubbing my hand over my face as exhaustion took over me, yet the sleep never came. The non descript hotel room remained lit up as I stared at the ceiling the whole night, just thinking of nothing and everything at once. I worried that I had screwed things beyond repair now, and that somehow we had again ended up in a situation that was ruining our relationship.

Discomfort rose in my body at around 6.30 am, so I stripped off my clothes and shut my eyes, only to be haunted by the hurt in her eyes as I walked out of her apartment. I had wanted to stay, I had wanted to hold her, I had wanted to take my words back and never say them again.

Why had I been stupid enough to talk about her mom like that? I hadn't been thinking and I hadn't been listening to her. I was only treating it as an argument, and Noah Sterling had to win everything. Except, I shouldn't have been competing with Brianna.

Lord have mercy on me.

I thought about how her lips quivered as she asked me to leave, but how they also quivered when I kissed her neck, how she shivered at the smallest of touches.

I was fucked.

Not literally, well it had been a long time I'd seen a woman naked under me, but I was truly fucked over my this tiny twig of a woman. Since when had Noah Sterling become so enchanted by any woman? They were supposed to get in his bed and leave when he had taken what he wanted. They weren't supposed to make him feel like his heart would explode if they left. Even with the exhaustion taking over me, I couldn't keep my eyes shut. My mind kept going to Brianna, my sweet, adorable, innocent Brianna.

I'm just tired of being hurt by you.

How do you recover from that? How selfish would I be if I somehow made her stay. Stay with me, while I keep hurting you. Give me love, and I can only give you pain in return. Could I ever forgive myself?

I didn't realise the time till the reception called me at 8 am, as I had requested. Fuck.

I cleaned up as best as I could, cringing when I had to put the same clothes on as last night. After breakfast, I planned to pick up a few clothes for the duration of my stay. The breakfast spread was incredible, and while I knew I shouldn't be having anything more than the omelettes and toast, my feet carried me to the pancakes. I stacked three and poured an unhealthy dose of syrup on it, taking a chair in the far corner of the room. The hotel was quiet, and the few people in the hall with me were too engrossed in their phones to make any noise.

Gingerly, I took a forkful in my mouth, body seizing up at the sickeningly sweet taste. I swallowed with much difficulty, trying to finish it in big bites, as if that would reduce my suffering.